the rhythm of life.

2006-11-06T12:53:00.000+08:00

I actually found the username of this blog's account!! Haha. Anyway, if there is even anyone who still visits this blog, you can get my new blog's address by adding me on msn. yixiangj@hotmail.com

2005-10-04T21:40:00.000+08:00

my brother is back after three full weeks on the shores of taiwan. got a beautiful starbucks coffee cup which i was looking for here.

the main bulk of the examination has ended. physics was a disaster. i am going to fail terribly. but i think i should be capable of passing chemistry and mathematics. if not doing better. my expectation would be at least C for both of them. i hope i am not disappointed. anyway. to all who are taking exams.

all the best.

2005-09-28T10:42:00.000+08:00

i think i am confused. my examination starts tomorrow. but i got up to watch the manchester united match. again. woke up at 9.30. and got glued to amazing race. i am just so exhausted. trying to cram a year's work of mathematics has taken its toll. i have one day left. if i don't get a D or above. i will be thoroughly disappointed. chemistry should be fine. with the weekend break giving me some time, although i will have to cram it in with physics sandwiching the 2 chemistry papers.

first up. machester united versus benfica.

i can sense that unted is going downhill. the team has looked out of sorts. although i believe that it has been the undoing with neville, silvestre and heinze injured. the defence has looked extremely vulnerable. the only saving grace would be edwin van der saar. he has been absloutely fabulous. the kind of saves he made. definitely gave the defence some confidence. other than him. philip bardsley and kieran richardson look like bright prospects for the future. bardsley at right back hardly put a foot wrong. kieran richardson showed lots of promise going forward. definitely exciting stuff for the future.

2005-09-25T23:17:00.000+08:00

i am so completely bored. while i can say i am more prepared than during the middle year examinations. i am not too sure i can repeat the same grades. to me. they gave us a chance during midyear. i am not too sure how they will adjust the level of difficulty for this examination. i would say for mathematics. i am know what's going on. not well-versed. but know.

i am really looking forward to the holidays. but who doesn't. the examinations have not started. but i have planned what i would like to do after them. pretty ironic. i commented to a friend that if i get promoted. i get 6 weeks of study holiday. if i don't. i get 14 weeks of non study holiday.

2005-09-22T22:10:00.000+08:00

as usual my life during the past few days has been extremely mundane. but i do look back in regret. had i put in the same amount of effort daily for the past year. i would not need to be worrying too much now. ah. i guess its still better to concentrate on the present rather than grasp at history that has gone by.

had a short chat with my brother on the phone. all the way from taiwan. thank God he's fine. i wonder when will it be my turn. i must say. i am not exactly looking forward to it.

anyway. the most interesting thing that happened today.
(although i know maybe i should not be saying all these. because i am supposed to be a goody good son. or cousin. or student. or cadet inspector. or whatever bullshit. yeah. some self righteous cadet inspectors will want to give their two cents worth regarding any and every issue. so if you are one such asshole. give me a break.)

anyway. my buddy got an issue of maxim singapore as a birthday gift. which i thought was pretty funny because it was a novel idea. so he took it out and showed an insert to my clique. the insert featured some bloggers. and everyone seemed to be so afraid to touch the magazine. or even cast their eyes on it. so i just took it and flipped through. so some of them started to go like. "wahlao, why you so dirty minded one" and all that self righteous stuff. and left me wondering what's wrong with looking at pictures of girls in bikinis.

thus. i was not too sure whether i was a pervert or my classmates are gay.

ah. that's not my point. what i really wanted to say is that most people put on a facade. they usually try to act and pretend to be someone they are not. and criticise others. like being dirty minded. when probably if you gave them a men's magazine in private. they would grab it with both hands and ogle. but in front of others. they will always be the clean and innocent guys.

finally. as much as i would love to own a copy. i don't think it would be too convenient for me to keep it at home. =)

2005-09-20T23:10:00.000+08:00

i think i just hit a new low. with the promotional examinations next thursday. i am trying my very best to cram mathematics into my head. and it does not seem to be working. and there is just so much frustration when question after question is left half done. i believe that mathematics should be a subject which i am scoring at. but with the year sadly wasted away because of immaturity and a lack of motivation. passing almost seems impossible.

being accustomed to the equation that studying enables me to do. it is really depressing to realise that it is no longer true. and with around 20 topics for me to rush through in a week. i really don't know where am i headed. maybe retention. maybe transfer to another jc or pre-u centre. worse case scenario. polytechnic. best case. i get promoted.

2005-09-19T22:15:00.000+08:00

got so much on my hands. the adventure training camp is not helping the ease the burden with the promotional examinations next thursday. until then. i am sorry if i do not have time to reply or talk to anyone online.

2005-09-15T18:40:00.000+08:00

i started the day poorly and it will end the same way. allow me to explain.

the day started early at 2.30am. villareal versus manchester united. it was a huge match. villareal beat both real madrid and barcelona at their home ground last season. although theyhad to go through the qualification stages. they are absolutely no push overs. and i was pretty much worried- they did look threatening at times. stretching van der saar to his absolute best to keep a clean sheet.

the second half did calm me down much more with united stroking the ball much more comfortably, and more chances opening up for the visiting team. they did look threatening and close to notching up a goal and the win. that was until, yes you know it by now. rooney got sent off. booked by the referee in a 50-50 situation. he remonstrated by sarcastically clapping his head in the referee's face. off he went.

and that spoilt the start of my day. i did not awake to watch my idols play out a drab goaless draw. where was the manchester united of the past. the penetration and flair they once possessed seem to have evaporated. and one of my two greatest footballing idols. got himself sent off, just at the point when the team looked to be able to notch up an important win. rooney has precocious talent. it is simply amazing what he can do with a soccer ball. and it showed last night. beautiful control and slick touches- that was what united paid 27 million pounds for.

concluding why i started my day badly, i did have a pretty good day. my floorball team beat 2 opponents convincingly. and i did score a wonderous final goal. a defender made a hurried clearance from a shot. stopping the ball with my feet, i pulled back my stick and in one sweeping motion- whacked the ball through a crowd of 5 people. absolutely beautiful. =)

it had to be just one phonecall. and it spoilt my whole day. which was going fine. its about project work- again. i don't want to be complaining here again. but i got to thank derrick and darren. they heard me out. so i guess i am much better now. i needed an avenue to release all that pent-up frustration and anger- they provided the listening ear.

2005-09-14T18:10:00.000+08:00

i am so terribly stoned. watched the entire liverpool versus betis match. and i only slept at 4.45am. woke up at 6. pretty much managed to stay alert the entire day- which surprised me as well. tonight's manchester united versus villareal. another night up. =)

2005-09-12T22:50:00.000+08:00

my brother just left for taiwan. the whole family sent him off at the airport. i guess it is the longest duration that any member of the family will be away- a full three weeks. just as he was departing at the gate, we were saying our goodbyes. and my sister cried. then we all gave him a hug. that was the first hug i ever gave my brother. =)

i know i am going to miss him. we spend so much time together with each other. it does feel like there will be something missing in the family. i truly thank God for giving me this fantastic family. yeah. we may have the quarrels and disputes. unhappiness and tauntrums thrown around. but we will always find a solution to our problems. and i love every one of them. my dad. mum. elder brother. younger sister.

2005-09-11T23:30:00.000+08:00

my family set a record last night. it was the first time we watched a movie, at the cinema, as an entire family. with my dad's dislike of movies because of what he perceives as cut throat prices for tickets meant we never watched a movie with him, before. so we went to tampines mall and decided to catch the longest yard. and it was a fantastic show.

the show was about how a superstar who was jailed for a crime. and it showed all the kinds of nonsense which existed in this world. nothing is fair. and sometimes. as much as we would like everything to be ideal and perfect. it will never be. he went in incurring the wraft of both the guards and convicts alike. getting beaten up by guards for no reason. taunted and bullied by convicts who hated his superstardom.

and it reached a point where he was asked to form a team. and the team was to lose. and slowly. but surely. he won over the convicts as he bit the bullet and got down to his task. training up a team of convicts to become a mean machine and take on the prison guards.

while the show might seem a little cliche where 'good' prevails over 'evil', i felt it was very relevant to society. though we may not get beaten up. but we do suffer other forms of discrimination when we step out of societal borders. anyway. i don't think i did the show any justice with this boring review. but do try to catch it if you have time. although. i don't think it would be the best idea to be there with your parents. because vulgarities were flying around during the course of the whole movie. great show though.

during saturday afternoon i watched this chinese variety show. i'm not too sure of the name but it was mainly about testing the love between a couple. which reminded me of temptation island. so this female had to go through 'tests' unknowingly. for example. a total stranger would go up to her and chat her up. and her actions were all recorded by a hidden camera. yeah. and other tests to determine her character and all. and while some criticise shows such as these, i thought they were pretty meaningful. why.

i believe that if a couple cannot go through a 'test' and still stay loyal to each other, than maybe they should not stay together anymore. its not about the 'third party' breaking up the relationship. it is a fact that the relationship is simply not grounded enough. well. the show ended with the guy proposing to his girlfriend, not after having a heated argument on national television. and my mum was going that's not possible and all. i don't know whether i am naiive or endorsing the beauty of hope.

the holidays are over. and i have a busy three weeks ahead before the promotional examinations. how well i fare. i guess can still be altered. it is going to be difficult. i hope i can just dig in and make it through. 1A, 3AOs.

my dear brother will be leaving for taiwan tomorrow. wish him all the best and pray for his safety and health. =)

2005-09-10T12:00:00.000+08:00

Zhonghua NPCC Unit

years ones after clinching first place for the annual sports day cheer competition 2005.

2005-09-10T00:50:00.000+08:00

everytime i attend tuitions. i feel enlightened. because mathematics problems which leave me confused and frustrated are dealt with easily. and i understand. then i think to myself why am i so dumb. i almost can hear people sniggering in the background agreeing. its around three weeks away from the promotional examinations. the motivation has not been found. i am living on the hope of a miracle like the middle year examinations. especially for physics. i am so dead.

anyway. by now. you should know that i will be posting up many more pictures than anything else. and i do so trusting that the audience of my blog are mature enough not to abuse any of the pictures posted up.

on a final note. my brother is leaving for taiwan with the saf come monday. and in my extended family. it is a first. and with the presence of doting and concerned relatives. he received S$600. not too bad. for a twenty one day stay in taiwan. i could just do with that money..

ibook.
ipod shuffle. i am in love with the white of apple products. and i definitely prefer the sleek design of shuffle to my muvo.
thumbdrive.
billabong shirt.
levi's jeans.
asics running shoes.
timberland bag.

the the list goes on. if only...

i know. i must study real hard. when i study real hard which equates to good results. good results get me into a course of my choice in university. and graduate with a degree. and find a job. and money! ching! and i get what i want.

living in a state of denial.

2005-09-10T00:05:00.000+08:00

front view of the mohawk

2005-09-10T00:04:00.000+08:00

my most outrageous hairstyle ever- the mohawk

2005-09-10T00:00:00.000+08:00

Zhonghua NPCC Unit

year ones before their cheer competition.

2005-09-08T22:55:00.000+08:00

Zhonghua NPCC Unit

ncos of zhonghua npcc during open house last year.

2005-09-08T18:53:00.000+08:00

my favourite Psalm

2005-09-07T23:30:00.001+08:00

my baby cousins huang hui and yu fei.

the girl is my favourite cousin! i was the first to carry her after birth and i came up with her name! =)

2005-09-07T23:30:00.000+08:00

yu fei in the basket

ndp 2005 family gathering at my house. that's the youngest addition to our family. that's my room by the way.

2005-09-07T23:20:00.000+08:00

current shoe- asics ds trainer

ahha. not too new asics shoe. bought it in january this year. most expensive pair i have bought so far with a retail price of S$210. although i got mine at a discount. really bored so i decided to look up www.asicsamerica.com and found my shoe.

it has been a year since i started this blog. i just noticed that while looking at the archives. but sadly. while it is nice to know that my blog has lasted a year. not everything i would liked to have recorded has been. having a public domain has restricted what i penned down, thus leading to declining interest to blogging. but i thought i would 'start' again. that's why i decided to post up some pictures to colour my blog a little.

my holidays have just begun. all lessons ended by today. still have tons of tutorials and tuitions to go to. but. i would not complain. because i personally feel irritated when i read post after post of complains. but well. i guess its about freedom of expression and being yourself. but to think that there are those two aspects in the world today would be extremely naive. because they do not exist. we have to conform to soceital norms. or run the risk of being outcast.

for some reason. everything around me seems to be extremely gloomy. i have been hearing about my parents talking about attending wakes after wakes. the news reporting on hurricane katrina and aviation disasters. and it seems like the entire world in a downward spiral. hardly a day goes by when there is no news. i have learnt to take a very pessimistic outlook on life. i have learnt to trust people less. including myself.

i am not too sure if its general paper. or is it being in a junior college. where its a survival of the best. i have learnt that even asking to copy a section of the lecture notes could garner you a lie. and that one of your best buddies would not bat an eyelid if his lie would gain him an advantage over you. friendships are just on the surface. nothing deeper. and its pretty sad. because i kind of miss the times i had in secondary school.

2005-09-07T00:11:00.000+08:00

Zhonghua NPCC Unit

year twos together with previous and current ncos.

2005-09-07T00:09:00.000+08:00

Zhonghua NPCC Unit

year ones with current ncos.

2005-09-06T18:30:00.000+08:00

beautilful picture of the A380 below. but i guessed the message i wanted to get through was not regarding the beauty of technology. at this moment. i have heard of so many people suffering or undergoing a trying time in their lives. and for those who do not know yet. God helps you through.

anyway. the letter which my project work group sent to the new paper was published in today's edition. look up the letters section if you want to know what rubbish we need to do.

having an extremely school-filled holidays. which i cannot comprehend ever since i started studying. why do you go to school during holidays. anyway. today's my parent's don't know how long wedding anniversary. just contented that they are happily with each other. =)

2005-09-06T18:00:00.000+08:00

God never promised you that life would be smooth sailing. He only promised safe landings.
-yixiang-

2005-09-04T21:50:00.000+08:00

learnt a new song during bible class today. and it has a really meldodious tune to complement completely meaningful and appropriate lyrics. thus i decided to type it out here. wonder if i will be able to find a download of this song online. anyway. here goes.

Knowing You
Graham Kendrick

All I once held dear, built my life upon,
All this world reveres and wars to own;
All I once thought gain I have counted loss,
Spent and worthless now compared to this-

Chorus
Knowing You Jesus, knowing You
There is no greater thing.
You’re my all, you’re the best,
You’re my joy, my righteousness,
And I love you Lord.

Now my heart’s desire is to know you more,
To be found in You and be known as Yours,
To possess by faith what I could not earn,
All surpassing gift of righteousness-

Oh to know the power of your risen life,
And to know You in Your sufferings;
To become like you in your death, my Lord,
So with you to live and never die-

“And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.”

2005-09-03T21:45:00.000+08:00

had a full day of npcc activities today. and i am so totally shagged out. first up in the morning was travelling down to harbourfront and accompanying the secondary two cadets for a hike. was pretty amazing how the tiny bit of drink could leave such a lasting and bitter taste in our mouths. brought them over to palawan beach. then left hurriedly for atc combined meeting. the weird thing about being at palawan was the fact that all of us looked really inadequately attired. and it does not make you feel much more comfortable when you see hot bods around you. =)

hearing so much about area 5 meetings. it was my first. and i was a little nervous. it turned out pretty fine. and uneventful. which was, is and will be good. of course. the details. i will not go into. but as with in any organisation. some people will just rub you the wrong way. definitely no specifics on a public domain.

went down to meet the rest for dinner and some quick catch up. went over to carl's junior. other than looking like a really cool fast food outlet. its food sadly did not meet up to my expectations. definitely better than other fast food outlets. but not value for money. walked around for some time. by which i was really tired. had a late night. and it was lots of walking today.

did you ever know that you are my hero. many thanks to darren for searching me this song

2005-08-30T19:44:00.000+08:00

pastor cheah passed away. one week after being admitted for dengue fever. just a simple bite. can kill a person. i am at a loss for words now. but as shock slowly turned to reality. it reminded me once more how precious every life is. and how much i cannot bear to lose anyone close to me.

hope i can go for the wake tomorrow. my sincere condolences go out to his family.

2005-07-29T23:30:00.000+08:00

the atmosphere for today was fantastic. especially during the songs session. i have never seen the cadets on that level of enthusiasm before. and we probably recorded our highest attendance in the year. either its the lure of the barbeque. or the detention getting to their heads. and finally. we have a solution to our long standing problem of attendance.

but. back to tonight. the cadets were fantastic. and sometimes its these moments which tell you that coming back to help is worth its while. and for once in a long while now. i finally enjoyed training. not having to scold. punish and bla bla. just enjoy ourselves. that is how normal trainings should go. but sadly. we are a far way off from that. but it was great. maybe we should consider making a farewell barbeque an annual event. =)

one of my schoolmates passed away. and when the principal announced it. it was like really weird. the atmosphere was so sombre. but it only struck me hard when i realised who the person was. i may never have talked to her. and never known her name till today. but she was someone i recognised. because she stood out with her spiky hair and tinted glasses. and the moment i realised her identity. i felt really sad. despite not knowing anything. it reminded me of how precious life is. ow precious the people around us are. but we do not always appreciate what we have.

2005-07-24T22:20:00.000+08:00

shooting preliminaries tomorrow. i am praying hard they make it into the finals. all the best guys! =)

2005-07-16T17:25:00.000+08:00

so. the biggest controversy came to an end with the resignation of the board and installation of a new chief executive officer. all i have to say. is that justice will prevail in the end. so much of donors' money has been splurged without knowledge.

and. $600000 is not peanuts.

after becoming a cadet inspector. i go back to zhonghua regularly. and its extremely frustrating that they assign friday as uniform group day. and almost every friday. either we cannot have training or some teacher has planned an activity which is more 'important'. absolutely frustrating.

hearing so many stories about teachers. the discuipline master has not changed one bit. i've had run-ins with two new teachers and the operation manager. i am glad i am out of that place. but if any staff comes bug me again. i will make sure i stand up for justice. even if my cadet inspectorship will be threatened. sometimes. its about standing up for what's right. the nkf saga was a good example.

back to my personal stuff. had terrible results. worse than i expected. and i am rooted at the bottom three positions out of 25 in my class. the only consolation being the fact that my class is among the top three. and my level position would probably be something of a little below average. so. i guess. its still fine. but i have tons to catch up on. and football manager is really distracting me.

2005-07-05T21:45:00.000+08:00

wow. steven gerrard indicating he wants to leave. never expected it to reach such a point. anyway. i believe chelsea will snap him up. sigh. yet another major signing for them.

2005-06-30T15:00:00.001+08:00

inside your heaven.

2005-06-30T15:00:00.000+08:00

been away from this blog for a really long time. anyway. the examinations are over. not exactly as difficult as they were supposed to be. hopefully i can get a B for chemistry. C for mathematics. and D for physics. and hopefully. a distinction for general paper. acheiving these results this time round would be extremely satisfactory to me. because i pretty much wasted the entire june holidays on many things other than catching up on my work. i do regret the time i wasted away. but nonetheless. it has been a pretty enjoyable and enriching time for me!

week one- preparation and nco camp 2005. camp went generally smoothly without any major hiccups occuring. the atmosphere of a camp was not there though. pretty disappointing what we managed to acheive during this camp. nevertheless. zhonghua npcc has a new batch of non-commissioned officers ready and raring to go. hopefully next june. i will be singing praises of each and every one of them.

week two- helping out at home for Good News Club. for those who don't know. this club is a 3-day activity where children in the neighbourhood come together and learn about Jesus, through Bible stories, games and fun. helped my mum to be the chef at home. and i learnt how to fry french fries! other than that. i was pretty much exhausted from having to entertain the whole huge batch of kids running around.

i did study for maybe 3 to 5 hours this week. which does not exactly prepare anyone for an examination. nevertheless. did help to lighten the load a little in the past week.

week three- had a family holiday away in malacca. just went there for a time of relaxation. eating. sleeping. lazing around. not too bad that i actually managed to go to a cafe and study on 2 occassions for around 1 hour each. tried some roadside food like cockles and chee chong fun. which is my favourite. we even found a Bible-Presbyterian church there to worship. purchased some clothes at bargains. these included an all blacks tee and my first pair of levi's! =)

next five days were spent at combined church camp. grace shalom and nazareth. not too huge a crowd as contrasted to previous camps. but it was enjoyable nonetheless. and relaxing. the only time which was not 'relaxed' were the 2 heavy messages in the morning. after that. it was all games & fun! learnt the basics of volleyball. and had a kickabout with the uncles from shalom. but for some reason. i didn't manage to score. had many games of dai dee in various rooms. and i guess. i was one of the better players! was really sad to leave church camp. because i did have a wonderful time there. it was something like paradise. people waiting on us. cleaning up after us. and all we need to do is listen and learn God's Word. did come with a hefty price of $300 though. worth every cent nonetheless. =)

week four- promised to help out at area 5 leadership and mentoring skills course. and to my horror. the cadets there were pretty pathetic. don't want to mention names of any schools. but some cadets there shocked me with their attitude. i thought the year one cadets in zhonghua fared much better than them. truly disappointing. certainly not looking forward to adventure training camp. not one with pathetic ncos.

now- exam week just ended. wow. one month just flew by like that. going to enjoy my holiday now before lessons start once again.

2005-06-02T21:05:00.000+08:00

with the non-commissioned officers camp tomorrow. i am praying that nothing goes wrong. with lots of planning and preparation going into the camp by all the instructors. i hope that it will really turn out successful.

the campers give me the impression that they are really scared. and that the camp is simply about punishments. and i would not fault them for thinking so. considering how i am. and how previous camps went. however. i emphasize that the camp will be a learning experience for each one of them. not just some torture camp. endure this last 'obstacle'. and the graduation will be sweet.

anyway. my intention today was not to blog about the camp tomorrow. that was just something which some cadets said which kind of warranted this response. and somehow. i feel some of our cadets have grown pretty wimpy. once there is punishment. they stay away. and. they are just the next squad which i am going to clamp down on.

ok. i strayed off from what i wanted to talk about. again.

what i wanted to talk about was national service. not so much to gload or laugh at people who are being enlisted now. but more so. about how i feel about it.

all along. i was one of the weird few who looked forward to national service. i always had a image of npcc whenever people talked about national service.

back sometime nexttime.

2005-05-31T22:40:00.000+08:00

project work is damn important. and i have tried my best. but somehow. what i dreaded came totally true. i am part of a bunch of assholes. who also think that pw is important. but do not reflect that in their actions.

its only one paragraph. like 100 words? and its not done in 2 weeks. what the hell man. fucking lazy pieces of shit. even if it was in chinese. i would have done it within one week. and 2 assholes have not. given stupid excuses like my com crashed. WAH. i believe you.

what a fucker. please use some brains when lying. 2 years older than me. supposed to be more mature. i emphasize suppose. because he doesn't act like a 19 year. and what's he's idea. teenage pregnancy. WAH. i am like so interested in doing that topic. -.-

fuck it man. i have been carrying this shit group. and i hate the members. all of them. either don't know how to speak up. or too lazy. go eat shit. if you don't want or need your pw grades i need them damn badly.

what fuckers. going to give them a piece of my mind on thursday.

sorry for all the vulgarities. not too great an example. but i don't really give a damn when i am this pissed off.

2005-05-28T19:13:00.000+08:00

finally back from a really long day at npcc. started with some drill session. then followed by road marshall. and to me. the core of the next batch of ncos have begun to prove themselves. not everyone. but the majority. and to see them growing and maturing gives me great hope of what we can fulfil in the coming year.

it was pretty heartening to note that they initiated their own drill training. which was absouletly taking ownership for their learning. and to me. i was more than happy to impart to them some of the uncommon rifle drill commands such as kaleh senjata. when they help themselves. i will be very happy to assist them.

then came the road marshall. to everyone one of us on duty. it was terrible. with so many cars coming in. limited spaces. congested roads. demanding parents. oblivious pedestrains. sweltering midday heat. every factor pretty much contributed to a horrible task of marshalling. but as a pleasant surprise. rather than give some pathetic excuse to leave their duties. they carried on. and did a fantastic job when i really needed them to. because of the extreme shortage of manpower. many hardly rested. some were shouted at by unreasonable parents. but they hung in there. and i really appreciate every single effort which they put in. =)

2005-05-27T21:45:00.000+08:00

missed the second part of the camp today because i was not feeling too well. but somehow. when you skip an activity like this. it MUST be pon. well. i guess i won't bother trying to justify that people do skip for valid reasons.

anyway. the leadership camp was supposed to be stupid. and boring. if the comments from others were taken. but for me. it was a good learning experience. and neither did i find the course coordinator the least bit sarcastic. in fact. despite being present for only one of two days. i felt i really did benefit from the camp. and contary to what everyone thinks. i did not skip on purpose. but alas. i rest my case on that.

anyway. the course featured some amazing people. former teacher of raffles institution. a naval diver. a pilot. and the list goes on. the course coordinator was this guy who signed on as a naval diver. went into university at the age of 27. and graduated from his degree course as a gold medalist. while i have no idea what a gold medalist is. he told us he was presented this 'award' from the president. so it must be something real big. other than him. there were people such as a pilot. which made me wonder why would he even bother to come down and chase some stupid kids around. trying to keep them focused.

then came my class's facilitator. he held four ccas in college. he took 3As and 2S papers. which is simply crazy. and that is before you hear that he represented the college for 2 ccas. and his third was council. that is crazy. someone like that must have scored really lousy grades. only to realise he scored 3As. take that. and he became an officer during his national service term. don't you just feel some people have everything going for them.

anyway. there is this thing about nanyang jc changing its name to chung cheng jc. and to hear that they are even thinking of doing that makes me infuriated. no college students or alumni deserves to have their school's name changed like that. not by some board of directors. the day they change our college's name. will be the same day which i will be embarrassed to tell people what school i am from.

2005-05-24T02:05:00.000+08:00

another long weekend has passed by. and its yet another day close to the holidays. for me. its going to be really packed. have many activities going on for me and i have the middle year examinations to look out for. got tons of school work to catch up on. and i am going to start going for chemistry and mathematics tuitions. time to buck up.

have quite a few other activities. church camp. family holiday. npcc camp. some other npcc activities. doubt i will have much free time on my hands. looking forward!

2005-05-19T19:32:00.000+08:00

had a terrible day today. got pissed off real bad by a classmate. and was compounded by myself screwing up the chemistry spa. and that is absolutely depressing. knowing full well that this was possibly the easiest. but i shall not talk about it anymore. maybe move on to something a little more interesting.

during the first lesson for this classmate. my civics tutor said that he wanted our class to be one of the top in the school if not the top. and i was looking at him increduously thinking to myself. that is impossible. anyway. we are just a three subject class. the top classes are always those which take four subjects. and usually the double maths and science classes. or the triple science classes.

forward to today.

a physics tutor announced to the lecture group that both the class and individual rankings were up outside the physics lab. which is pretty amazing. that they actually bother to go through the effort to rank everyone just for a common test. and guess what. my class TOPped the list.

TOP.

still feeling surprised. while most may think that its only some stupid common test and there is no big deal about it. i do beg to differ. because some classes have people who have fantastic scores and amazing work ethic. and to beat them. is indeed a sweet acheivement. on a personal level. i just passed the test by two marks. and i was pretty disappointed.

that is until i saw the rankings. out of five lists of rankings. only the first two contained the names of those who passed. which means. i did not do that badly. i may not have done well. but i can still breathe a little more easily. hopefully. this can be a catalyst and motivation for me to start studying once again. and maybe. just maybe. i can do myself proud. and my class as well.

2005-05-18T18:30:00.000+08:00

once i walk out of the chemistry practical room tomorrow. i can heave a small sigh of relief. since the SPA is over. i guess next week will be a good break from the crazy pace of lessons. and maybe a time for me to catch up on some work before an equally hectic mid year holidays.

this holidays will include an npcc camp and church camp. and will be rounded off by the MID YEAR EXAMINATIONS.

shudders.

guess it is time to really dig in and get some revision underway. much as i hate junior college life. i don't want to be in the position of being retained. or having to take the option of transfering to a polytechnic. and i will have to manage my time well. considering i only am five weeks away, and much time will be taken up for both the camps.

anyway. my blog has gone pretty stale. with many instances of bloggers being forced into public apologies. the last thing i want is to get a warning from some organisation. which of course would be in the form of a school. and much as i would like to use this as a place to condemn people or organisations. it is not possible. so nothing more which would reflect a hint of controversy.

2005-05-12T20:15:00.000+08:00

been blogging very inconsistently, and with very disjointed thoughts. had 2 tests, and one tomorrow. and whilst any other day i would start complaining. i do acknoledge that i do not treasure life enough. life. is just like a candle in the wind. and delicate and fragile as it is. it can just be blown out any time.

treasure life. and the lives of those around us.

guess it has been a tumultous and crazy few days for you. hope you take comfort and cherish the moments you spent with her.

2005-05-08T21:25:00.000+08:00

the planned study weekend did not materialise afterall. barely read thru my notes and practiced a wee bit of maths. given my character. without motivation i pretty much won't do anything. anyway. enough about studies.

today is mothers' day. and something interesting. is that mothers' day only started less than one century back. and while many of us have run-ins with our mothers. i believe all of us come out from these with complete knowledge that our mothers, or rather parents, always have our best interests at heart. and this though we might not view the situation in the same way they do. so to all the people of the greatest profession of the world. happy mothers' day.

on friday i watched with great interest at the state of funeral of the late people's president of singapore. and while he was president when i was too young a age to bother. just from the tributes which poured in the past week. it wouldnt take much difficulty to figure out how great a person he was. and i guess. the thing which made him different was his humility despite power and status. and he was someone special indeed.

seem to have very disjointed thoughts today. i'll return some other day.

2005-05-02T21:57:00.000+08:00

with the lecture tests next week. i am practically going mad. reason being i have not studied in the past 4 months. and the lecture tests are everything about the past four months. and its driving me nuts. trying to do a supposedly simple topic called inequalities has taken me such a long time. and i am still stuck at question one. with a whole lot of question marks entrenched in my head.

know i am so going to flunk this first test. and it makes it so much scarier knowing that your classmates are all pretty much doing fine, if not excelling. and hopefully, some of their diligent genes rub off onto me. it gets pretty crazy. when everyone around you mugs. i mean. even during o levels. we stayed back to play soccer. right now. what breaks? you mean study time? time to catch up on the lecture that just ended. gosh. what have i gotten myself into.

but i cannot blame anyone. because. the only way to survive. is to mug. and i do realise, to my horror. that even missing one day of lessons could be extremely detrimental. and the best part is i have already wasted that one day. multiplied by four months. help me.

i will flunk this. but.

the next time i flunk an assessment. it would be the middle year examination.

2005-04-21T20:45:00.000+08:00

thought i would make another post when something nice happened. and when i am in a good mood. its not too nice when your blog is filled with posts which contain no content other than your complaints. although it doesn't mean i would not complain in future.

anyway. the cheer team won first.

and it was perfectly exhilarating for me. even though i was not present at serangoon stadium to witness and cheer them on. i had just completed an as-usual strenuous physical education lesson. with both my arm and leg muscles feeling very weak. and like i always do. i reached into my bag for my handphone. i guess it has become a huge part of my life. its one object which i most fear losing.

then there was the '1 message received' screen which every Nokia handphone owner has seen a million times now. and if the content of the message was almost totally unexpected. then the joy that came with it matched its magnitude.

in 5 years in the unit. never once have we won this annual cheer competition. as much as it does not contribute anything really to the unit. it has been a platform from which we have generally done well. and an event. though largely insignificant. which we take huge pains to train hard for. i guess no other cca would actually bother to do likewise. considering the meagre number of 4 participating teams this year.

behind the simple plague which read '1st'. was a process which was so long. so time consuming. and which required a great deal of effort. and in this short span of 3 weeks. a winning cheer team was born. and it has been a great experience for them. and sometimes when we don't focus too much on just the result alone. then we would be able to see how much they have benefitted from it. much more than just the 4 cheers which they learnt. i believe everyone of them who had put in his or her utmost effort brought something away from it. because being present with them during trainings. i absolutely have to believe that they have grown. both as individuals and as a squad.

congratulations to each and every member of the cheer team! your energy time and effort has reaped exactly what we set off to do. not just to win it. but to be part of this experience together.

pausing for a second. i almost left out the people who made this all possible. the ICs of the cheer. who have likewise put in their very best and fullest effort. to make this a roaring success. keep up the great effort!

2005-04-12T22:05:00.000+08:00

for yesterday and today. i acheived what i could not acheive in the first 4 months of this year. that is. to sit down and really study. you see. i have a not-so-proud record of going three months in junior college education without completing or even attempting a single tutorial. hence. i am facing a mountain to climb trying to catch up on 3 months work of mathematics. physics. and chemistry. whilst trying to cope with the ever increasing pace of lectures on new topics.

so i figured out that to just barely survive. i would have to start studying. if not i could well be going to orientation again next year.

but it is not so easy to just start studying like that and mug for hours. especially with the ultra short attention span i have for topics such as geometric progression. which i have absolutely no idea what it is. despite the lecturer completing the entire chapter today.

while people think three subjects are easy to cope with. i do beg to differ. on paper we may have three subjects. but it is really more than just that. we have. general paper. chinese. project work. and the very fact that we are using the school-based practical assessment system also means that we have an examination every six weeks. not exactly what i would term as relaxing. and it totally pisses me off when teachers compare students taking three subjects to those taking four and expecting us to score better than them. because we are taking three subjects.

what a flawed expectation. anyway. with regards to my class. i have a pretty weird class. with many different personalities. thus. although everyone can generally see eye to eye. there are a feq obvious cliques in the class. and sadly. i am a member of a terrible clique.

my clique was 'formed' because this group of guys basically knew no one in our class. so we gathered together. whilst another group of guys. were from the same class during the first three months. thus, an immediate creation of two different cliques. with us not opening up to them. and them not opening up to us. therefore. it is my misfortune to be stuck in a group of guys whose characters don't exactly suit mine. and it gets pretty irritating when you have to stick to a bunch of people you don't exactly like.

one guy who loves to be seh. has a really weird personality. because he terms others who carry the same bag as him as posers. then he says this classmate of mine is a 'xiao mei mei' and then realise he is the exact same height as her. does that mean he is a 'xiao di di'? very weird personality indeed.

its study time. so i shall dutifully update on this group of people some other time. when i have gotten to know them better. and when they have irriated me more. and probably warranted a piece of my mind.

2005-04-10T18:38:00.000+08:00

today has been a fantastic day for me. what a great belated birthday celebration i had! since i am in an excellent mood today. and feel extremely chirpy and bursting with different topics to blog about. i shall divide my thoughts into several posts. in case friendly blogger decides to screw me up AGAIN. the trauma of having an insightful post for the day being deleted just like that by blogger is not the nicest thing you are going to experience. and it gets pretty frustrating. so i have learnt to save my posts as drafts as i go along. which is exactly what i am going to do now.

done.

so i shall move on and relate the accounts of a topsy turvy seventeenth birthday which i celebrated this year. birthday celebrations started in my new class. although one on a pretty small scale. with them just singing a birthday song for me. but it was nice nevertheless. simple is good. especially when you are in the midst of people who are bent on making the birthday boy suffer. took the short walk back to zhonghua after a long day in school. and. was i in for a great big surprise. having to suffer my uniform being stained with soya bean drink. to having three bomb bags exploding on my skin. spewing out foul smelling liquid. then getting completely drenched. to being pillared by the ncos. all these leaving me foul smelling and with my entire uniform drenched. and i thought it was all over. just to realise that the 'celebrations' had not ended.

up next was a beautiful cake. complete with my name. and my rank of Probationary Cadet Inspector. how thoughtful. and horrors of all. to have clarence dance in close proximity to me! argh! and with every cake. comes the smashing. not once. but twice. leaving my face stained with oil and myself with a phobia of spending any future birthdays in zhonghua npcc. but alas. for all the humiliation they made me suffer. i had a beautiful red-soccerball courtesy of the zhonghua npcc officer team. =)

and once again. its time to save my draft.

but i did not exactly enjoy my birthday this year. not because of the 'celebrations' i had to endure. but rather. the depression of not understanding my schoolwork. that i was stuck on whether i should stay or leave for poly. with architecture in singapore poly my desired destination. but. although transfering to a polytechnic would mean an escape from the crazy junior college education. it would mean running a high risk of not securing a place in university. and with strong parental and family objections. i guess i don't have that much of a choice. other than to struggle on in jc. thus. the not-so-memorable birthday. spent with a dilemna. of whether i could wreck my entire future with one decision as simple as this.

but. i guess i have to exercise a certain level of obedience since my parents are so firmly against me going to a polytechnic. in a family where everyone is scoring. going to polytechnic is probably a taboo topic. ah. i am supposed to talk about my birthday.

so putting that episode behind me. i spent a great day today. with the family.

after attending church in the morning. we decided to make our way down to suntec city. because we had never dined at nydc before. and since we had no prior knowledge about recommendations. we didn't exactly enjoy the nicest food. the standard of the main courses were pretty bad. but alas. i figured out why they are called a dessert cafe. with unique beverages and exceptional mudpies. not too bad a place to celebrate my birthday. and that. coupled with the purchase of an unexpected gift. i guess. it would be a birthday i would remember for some time to come. =)

2005-04-03T21:20:00.000+08:00

went down to join the parade team with the promise of a position as the contingent 2IC. with that in mind. i happily prepared my uniform.and took the pain to get up at six on a saturday morning. rushed down to police academy. just to find out from the outset that they were doing away with the exact reason why so many of us were down that day- contingent 2IC. i guess you wouldn't exactly understand the disappointment unless you likewise wanted the spot that badly. with this as the first and last year in which i would be able to join the parade. i guess i did miss out on my chance. but nevertheless. going down was indeed a good learning experience. just to watch and observe how the 'lao jiaos' went about training the cadets. for some of the contingents. i just stared at their almost flawless drill and marvelled. what units fail to acheive in three years of a cadet's life was easily surpassed by this group of instructors in a span of three months.

which set me thinking on why can units not replicate what these people have done. is it the cadets. or is it the instructors. or is it both.

i observed with interest how a simple action can lead to huge responses and much anger and disappointment. april is the month when zhonghuarians gear up for sports day. be it in events. or in the cheer competition. and for uniformed groups. the parade. for zhonghua. the sports day parade is the most prestigious of all. and for this year is no different. while we are disappointed that we have missed out on an opportunity to be part of the guard of honour. i think its absolutely essential that we respect authority and understand the circumstance which others are in. before passing out our judgement in a moment of anger. let's move on. if we can contribute by being part of the supporting contingent. then let's take it. afterall. if no one wants to be join the supporting contingent. then we will find zhonghua npcc to be the only uniformed group without a contingent.

move on from the disappointment. so we can all contribute more positively to our unit.

2005-03-31T20:52:00.000+08:00

into the first week of school. and my body is breaking down. with my health detoriorating steadily over the months. a lost peron stuck in a pathetically weak body. with constant flu. sore throat. and symptons of a fever coming. missing any lessons in school now could be detrimental to me. considering my unwillingness and appalling lack of discipline to study. and with 3 months of school work to catch up on.

life is anything but rosy. at a time when people are enjoying themselves in the junior college system. i find myself stuck and wandering hopelessly in this system which i dread. but then again. i don't have much of a choice. and all that is left would be for me to put in my upmost effort and try to acheive a result as ideal as possible.

i dare not set a goal for myself academically. because i fear greatly that i might not even make it through the promotion examinations at the end of the year. lost time to catch up on. teachers pressure and warnings of how it can all go wrong is really driving me nuts. i shudder to hear when the next test would be. in this first week work may not be piling up. but teachers are going at a pace where i am completely lost despite paying full attention. and that is not the best way to allay my fears of failure.

received our civics tutorial group postings today. in terms of the number of people i know. it turned out real bad. with so many familiar people applying for this combination of mathematics, physics and chemistry. i was thrown into a foreign class where i hardly knew anyone. save for an ex classmate and schoolmate. having classmates coming into class and gossiping loudly didn't help much either. guess that i would just have to wait and see. but i do hope that i have a great class in oh five ass three see.

05S3C

having a really long day tomorrow. time to shine my boots. press my uniform. ring the buttons. and get ready to join the parade team on saturday. with just three trainings left. i hope you will see me on the parade square during npcc day parade.

i need my health.

2005-03-28T21:45:00.000+08:00

i think i managed to break a personal record of mine. i managed to survive an entire morning of talks. and. i even paid attention to some of them. boy. am i turning into a good student.

what an understatement. allow me to make a correction.

great student.

trying to picture how my audiences' faces actually are now. anyway. i really did pay attention to the talks which were given. most of them were boring. but i figured out that since i am stuck in that hall. i might as well not waste my time in there. and listen to what the speakers had to say.

and. i did benefit a wee bit from what they said. was pretty interesting about how the library, more commonly known in nanyang as the drum, functions. because, other than a great air conditioned and spanking clean place. the library has a budget of sixty five thousand dollars annually. the talk did change my conception of student librarians a whole lot. my typical student librarian before today would be something along these lines.

someone with very few friends. not the kind who socialise around much. thick old-fashioned glasses. dorky hairstyle. most of the time the hair is unkempt. carries a HUGE bag around school. forever seen with a book. be it during breaks. or recess. or lunch. ah. guess you do get my idea. but anyway. my point is that the members of the drum are indeed a special group of student librarians.

saw the music video on the top of this post. i visited this unknown blog. unknown as in i do not know the blogger. i just chanced upon it. and there! the music video started playing. and i was absolutely fascinated by it. i never knew we could play a music video on a blog.

with the last few days before actual lessons start and everyone starts going crazy mugging. i shall enjoy the time i have. before i get caught up. in the junior college system. which i so dread.

2005-03-23T22:32:00.000+08:00

not too bad a day. orientation two did not turn out as badly as i expected it to. and with an orientation the duration of just two days. i doubt it will actually meet any purpose.

with so many people wanting out. so many on transfer appeals. to anderson. to temasek. to tampines. and so many people appealling in. from catholic. meridian. serangoon. should these people leave or join. then orientation two would have been a waste of time.

the day started off pretty slowly. almost all of us were new to each other. and no one was really interested in any activity they had planned out. making the orientation group leaders look pretty retarded trying to enthuse a bunch of people bent of shutting their mouth and rooting their butt to the ground. but as with any other orientation. people do warm up to each other after sometime. by lunch. we were playing dai dee. on the next activity which was an introduction to the school compound in the form of a game. my group just went straight to rest in the comforts of an air conidtioned room.

and how ironic that the activity which was not supposed to be turned out to be the most interesting. and the most interaction. stuff like. how many meh meh jump over the wall. and many others. conducted by the three great leaders of my group. for some reason. either i knew the game they were playing. or i was the first to get it. must be an extremely high level of lameness in me.

so that was pretty how much my day turned out. not as bad as expected. but not that good to get me all enthusiastic. but with only two days of orientation. doubt much can be acheived.

something i found out was the fact that within my group itself. 4 of us unsuccessfully applied for anderson as our first choice. and all of us got dumped back into our second choice. what a coincidence. and that 3 of us shared exactly the same score. i guess i am not the only person being disappointed by this year's joint admission exercise. everywhere i went today. i would hear or see people appealling in. or complaining about being posted to nanyang and appealling out. seems like many are not satisfied.

but the scariest thing is that the competition in junior colleges this year is greater than ever. with almost all cut off points dropping despite the increament of the year one students. during orientation. within a ten metre radius there is a person with a raw score of a single digit. and i am talking about nanyang here.

i am certainly not looking forward to the next two years.

2005-03-22T23:05:00.000+08:00

its impossible to mask my disappointment.

despite suggesting yesterday that both nanyang and anderson would be fine with me. and i was perfectly satisfied with both my first and second choices. the actual situation turned out really differently.

i was posted back to nanyang.

and the disappointment which followed was quite alot. i met their cut off point. but i have absolutely no idea why i didn't get in. although i guess my situation is not as bad as many others. so i would still count myself fortunate. thus. i shall stop whinning about not making it into anderson. which also explains my firm stand against any sort of appeal. heard pretty weird stuff about this second orientation. something about getting masks. save me.

going down for my first live shoot as an instructor. and it was pretty interesting despite the fact that i was the only cadet inspector in full uniform there. and our unit was the only one with cadet inspectors present. and being the sole instructor there meant one thing. i had to do all the sai kang (shit job) for the field instructors. but it was still pretty interesting. although i basically just refilled and packed the bullets nicely. but the field instructors there were funny. from them ogling at the emcee of an aids prevention show. to gossiping to each other. to complaining about. urm. officers.

but if there is anything to smile about. it would be the fact that i personally felt that our unit did excellently. without any comparisons. it was a great result and i am extremely proud of each and everyone of them. sometimes its these moments that really give you the motivation to carry on. and i thought today was one of them.

a huge round of applause for zhonghua npcc unit year three cadets.

2005-03-21T21:35:00.000+08:00

the amazing lack of fitness.

finally had the chance, time and energy to go for a soccer game today. of course the fact that my parents allowed me to skip school helped alot. despite the lack of players present for the game. we still went ahead. 3 on 3. at the serangoon cc street soccer court. started off with an amazing amount of energy and adrenaline. like someone denied the chance to play for decades. but the lack of practice showed. with simple basics being screwed up. and after just 5 minutes. i was just exhausted. it was then that i realised how lacking in terms of fitness i really am. i guess that has been down to the zero soccer khakis i have in nanyang. which was not helped very much by the fact that the basketball courts were being torn down and reconstructed.

despite the sheer exhaustion from a little running. i tried my best to endure the exhaustion. and the rewards were excellent. our team performed really well in terms of attacking play. and we scored many goals. but. with the attack-mindedness. and the lack of match fitness. came a neglect of the team's defence. which allowed the opponent to haul themselves back into the game time after time. but things changed. with an increasing number of goals scored. we grew in confidence. and defence was well taken care of with an outstanding display by terence in goal. pulling off a few magnificent one-on-one saves to deny the opponent time and again. add that to jason running the defenders ragged and scoring a couple of solo goals. and there we had our win.

really great game to re kick off my involvement in soccer games. hopefully. i will be able to find new soccer buddies in whichever school i am posted to. which is incidentally. less than 12 hours away. frankly. i wouldn't really mind anderson or nanyang. so. i guess its a case of anything will do for me tomorrow. but whatever the case. hopefully i will determine to be conciencious in my studies. a really long way off what i am.

tomorrow would be my last day of holiday. then its down to work. although there is all the orientation and everything. but i really do have alot of the syllabus to catch up on. my punishment for being a really bad student during the first three months. breaking a record of not completing a single tutorial on my own. you get my point about being a bad student.

my brother's first day in sispec. also known as school of infantry specialists. where they train people to become specialists. as its name suggest. and the trainees pass out with a corporal rank after nine weeks. an extremely worthwhile 'trade' after spending the same time in basic military training school to change your status from recruit to private. while national service has changed him alot. it certainly has bonded my family together. really wonderful how an event like this can bond a group of people who have been living together for over a decade more significantly than before.

the stories related to us haven't been too comforting though. i always thought that national service was something i looked forward to. this three months have completely wiped out that notion. and replaced it with the typical 'dreading army' stance. but i guess that having a commando as your officer-in-charge is the perfect nightmare you could ever think of.

what a long post. i am extremely tired from the lack of sleep. and i do have quite a long day to attend to tomorrow. one which could determine quite alot.

2005-03-19T19:47:00.000+08:00

browsing through the different blogs of the zhonghua npcc netball team. i realised how much one competition can affect so many people in different ways.

my personal viewpoint was that in whatever competition we join. we go there to win. we send our best team out and put in our best display. and i have stood by that personal belief. and everytime things do not go in my way in competitions. i get pissed off. and worked up. that is simply just the negative side of my competitive personality. because i want to run out the winning party in whatever i do. thus my belief that we go to competitions to win.

but i do acknoledge now that my belief in simply winning is extremely flawed. after listening to what Ms Long told the team. i must apologise for the fact that i have always believed in winning. thus determining my actions. in team selection. or other related stuff.

to the netball team.

you may not have ran out winners and brought back a trophy. you may not have made it to the semi finals of the competition. but has it not been a great experience. staying till late to train with each other under the guidance of Ms Long and Guo Hwee. i firmly believe that each one of us. directly or indirectly involved in the competition. has benefitted and learnt something from it. and we have. brought back more than just a certificate of participation.

i do hope that everyone in the team takes this experience positively. because the effort each of you have put in has been really admirable. and i applaude each of you for that.

cheerup! =)

2005-03-19T18:15:00.000+08:00

i feel so relieved.

like the entire burden which had being weighing me down was removed. just within one meeting. i felt that it simply gave me some motivation to carry on. when everything seemed gloomy.

yesterday was great. taking time off. although i was intially scheduled to join the parade team. but being tired and worned out. i decided to give it a miss. although i would really love to be involved one day. and really learn how to teach drill effectively.

but missing the parade meant i had the time to spend with my friends. whom i haven't met in an extremely long time. not even to play soccer. or have dinner together. or simply just chill out with each other. having so many commitments, took that free time away. and when there was the time. there wasn't the energy and mood to hang out. so yesterday was a refreshing change. because that few hours spent did alot to lighten up my mood.

likewise. going to the airport alone at midnight. to welcome back my parents from bangkok. completely oblivious to the fact that i could just have missed the least train to the airport if i had just stayed for 5 minutes more. and. taking the skytrain which connect terminals 1 and 2. somehow. it felt like i was reliving my childhood a little. when we would go as a family. to take the shuttle bus service as well as the skytrain. and the skytrain has not changed a single bit.

2005-03-16T23:46:00.000+08:00

the pain of it all.

i was about to start blogging about npcc when i realised that my last few posts were ALL about npcc. or about school. that's all. if you have noticed. i haven't blogged about my personal life. namely relationship.

so i decided that i would make a change today. maybe pen something down about my personal life. and what's going on. anyway. this is supposed to be my online journal.

but if i recall not too long ago. there were so many rumours flying around after my breakup was made known. and something for everyone.

the source of what i felt was the most hurting and vicious rumour was none other than by the zhonghua npcc unit ncos 04/05. and the evidence on which their rumour based upon was pathetic. but nevertheless. its better to spread something false than leave something which might be partially true.

i haven't forgotten it.

so is it really worth the while to publicise your personal life.

NO.

not when people are ready to spread and gossip at the slightest hint of something juicy. not when people are ready to condemn you. when they haven't found out the entire story. not when people are so sceptical when you give them your side to the story.

what makes everything so much more painful is the fact that people who are supposedly your friends. are the ones making these unnecesary comments.

society is cruel. trust me on that. i have found out in the past few days.

sometimes. putting in your best isn't enough.

ok! i shall stop all these sad and depressing trend of thoughts penned down in my blog. because i did have a wonderful day today. just what i needed to cheer me up. and give me a breather. from the depressing trend of events happening in my life. i really do need my close friends. and my family.

no one else is going to be there for you. not in this cruel society.

2005-03-15T20:30:00.000+08:00

after tomorrow. i can finally heave a sigh of relief. i haven't had a break from npcc for days. with the completion of both the camp and the police knowledge course by tomorrow. i am assured that i can send in a completed form for my promotion from probation cadet inspector to cadet inspector. just around more than two months more.

after being a cadet inspector for slightly more than three months. its extremely fascinating how difficult it is to be one. a rank dumped with enormous responsibilities.

attended police knowledge course as a helper. and being there to control and maintain discipline. has been a great eye opener. some cadets you meet. ou start to wonder. if they are cadets. or are they gangsters. are they not attending something called police knowledge course? what irony. and schools and officers become so touchy about discipline. its not acceptable to punish a cadet who refuses to stop talking by making him stand. that's when i started to appreciate the cadets in zhonghua. we don't have rebellious cadets in our midst. but are our cadets really that good. and perfect as they are made out to be.

i am truly disappointed and angry.

if its from a cadet. there is still space for understanding. afterall. they are called cadets. but from an nco. a staff sergeant at that. is that not the highest rank within the nco hierachy at the moment. give your instructors a stab in the back. maybe its about getting too much power and influence. maybe its about a blatant lack of respect. if you do not wish to give instructors the basic respect we deserve with our rank. then i will ensure i get the message across the hard way.

but i really need a break. its time to catch up with friends. maybe schoolwork. tertiary education posting is due next week. probably have just over a week to enjoy. then. i guess its going to be another 2 years of shit.

2005-03-11T21:56:00.000+08:00

finally have some time to pen down some thoughts. after an extremely hectic week. and with the school holidays coming up in the following week. my schedule does not include much of a breather. something i require badly.

i cannot remember the last day which i haven't done a single thing for npcc. there is just so much to do. the workload sometimes gets overwhelming. and those are the times. you start to wonder. if the commitment is worth its while. its not so easy. becoming an instructor is more than about training. more than about scolding people. more than about punishing cadets. its so much more. i simply underestimated the sheer workload and responsibility which instructors hold. never has the phrase "with great power comes great responsibility" seemed more true. the first time i saw that quote. i thought it was a corny line. i never guessed how true it was.

sometimes. it justs gets me down so much. its depressing. but is it not what i signed up for. after all that has been said and done. i was the one who made the decision to prolong my service. and i am sure that i will fulfill it.

accompanying my Teacher Officer to NPCC Day Parade was a good break which i required. just to watch and observe from the sidelines. brought back some memories. it was just 2 years back. when i was one of those cadets. falling in with their batons. dressed in half uniform. all excited about the prospect of being in a parade of this size. with hundreds of other cadets. alas. how wondering and amazing the feeling would be.wearing the number one ceremonial dress. and soaking yourself in the atmosphere of so many other people. who have likewise made the same commitment to this co-curricular activity. but it remains a dream.

its very interesting how much scrutiny you are under when you are known as an instructor. people cannot wait to exploit any mistake and error you commit. and use it to their fullest advantage. and when your cadets start to make unnecesary comments. maybe its time that they learnt something about respect.

with so much time and effort put into the planning of this camp. i think all of us are desperate for it to work out. and be a huge success. for all our effort and time. i really need some motivation. and a successful camp would be the perfect motivation for me.

2005-03-07T22:05:00.000+08:00

i really don't know what else can i say anymore. life has gotten so bad in the past few weeks. there's no more anger to vent. nothing else surprises me anymore. really. i am just waiting. till the day i drop.

i think there is this breaking point and limit we each possess. the amount we can handle.

so i shall not complain anymore. i shall not scold anymore. there is no point in doing so.

anyway. i shall elaborate more about my education. after much consideration. asking around. i decided not to choose nanyang as my first choice. changed to anderson. how ideal a choice it is. i will never know. but i decided to go with my family's advice. and hopefully. all will turn out well.

but its also going to be a whole new environment to adapt to. and going to a school whom i almost completely know no one. its about starting out all again. i really hope i manage to adapt. because together with the rumour of good tutors at anderson. there are the complaints of an environment pretty dead. but sometimes. its also about the student. and i don't need anyone to remind me how terrible a student i am. every tutor's nightmare. maybe worse.

with the first three months of junior college education drawing to a close. i must say. i terribly hope that its the end of a nightmare. from dental treatments. to getting warded. to school. to npcc. maybe i am beginning to understand why adults always lament that studying is much better than working.

i never believed them. but slowly. i guess they are absolutely correct.

2005-03-06T22:49:00.000+08:00

there is this thing about counting to ten when you are angry. its supposed to be pretty useful. but i guessed if i counted till one million it wouldn't have changed anything.

2005-03-06T20:21:00.000+08:00

why can everyone in a team contribute their time and effort. putting in their time and energy. because we have a sense of commitment and responsibility in the task we are performing. a huge thank you to those who have put in their best. so that this can work out.

but if someone decides to screw us up. there is little the team can do. one small little task. just to ease the burden off everyone else's shoulder. but you choose to screw up. is that task too big to perform? or have you done so much. that this task you cannot fulfill.

talk about the harshness of the working soceity. i finally can understand how people feel. when they put in much more than one of their colleague. but when it comes to promotions. bonuses. they are not rewarded. and instead the person who has done so much less. are now their senior. damn. why is everything so damn unfair.

i simply cannot understand why everyone can do so much. but you can't do anything. are you part of the team.

fuck off. i hate people who have no sense of responsibility and commitment.

2005-02-28T23:57:00.000+08:00

ten points. must definitely thank my tuition teachers. both of whom i believe pulled my o levels through. sorry. school teachers don't get any credit. most of them simply don't deserve it. sometimes its about the student. sometimes its who teaches the student. i thought this year's results proved something about some of the teachers. period.

i was happy. very happy to be truthful. i think i proved quite alot of people wrong. hardly anyone gave me a chance. but i am just thankful.

can you sense my tone. i am damn pissed off. and i am going to shoot you. because you spoilt my day. a day i was supposed to be happy. spoilt by an idiot.

i hate people who cannot live up to what they say. almost everyone falls below the standards they set. but if you fall below the standards you set. then don't come and criticise others. how are you to be pissed off that we inform you late. when you did the same to us. i even need to contact you. you didn't contact me. talk about last minute information. give yourself a tight slap and shut your mouth.

i do not expect anyone to question my commitment. and my effort. unless you have put in more than me. then you open your mouth and criticise. if not. shut your mouth. because your commitment and effort has not reached anywhere near mine.

i will gladly publicise your name. because i simply condemn you.

2005-02-24T21:37:00.000+08:00

feeling so tired after waking up to catch 2 champions league matches at 3.30 in the morning. but i must say that both the matches were indeed of very high quality. although Chelsea's tactics reflected extremely poorly on them. although i must say they got quite a good result. Manchester United versus AC Milan. i'ld skip this. i simply cannot believe that they could actually lose at home. just shot themselves in the foot. really badly.

had a long day today. going to have a long day tomorrow. then the weekends. then its the release of results.

which i am not anxious about. not scared either. somehow there's this feeling of what's done cannot be undone. but my mind still does start to think about it when i listen to others talking about it. sometimes its optimism. sometimes its pessimism. feeling either way isn't too good. so i shall leave it to monday. and hopefully. very hopefully. you will find a delighted person blogging come monday evening. or someone fairly satisfied. not too happy. not disappointed as well.

or someone devastated.

i shall end off this short entry with a note of encouragement to the zhonghua npcc floorball team competing tomorrow. despite the short notice of a week. you guys have put in an appluadable effort in staying back twice to practice. go out tomorrow. in our unit tee. give your best. and do each and everyone back in the unit proud. =)

2005-02-22T21:06:00.000+08:00

things are finally looking up. at least in some aspects. makes life a little more meaningful to live.

school has been as bad as usual. me getting into trouble. teacher getting pissed at me. i left school early on friday. as did another 100 plus people. and i have to stay back and do CWO tomorrow. shit, not a very good example. have been dozing off in so many lectures and tutorials. i haven't done a tutorial. the only thing i have done is to listen to at least a few lectures. not the bestest way to start tertiary education. but hopefully i will resolve to change for the better.

i wish i can go to a polytechnic. not that poly students can slack. but i don't like the life of a junior college student. its simply too stressful. even with 3A's. there is already so much to learn. so much to juggle. and i'ld say some subjects such as physics and chemistry are so much more difficult. it almost seems to be making a mockery of what we have learnt during secondary education. kinematics at o-level is one of the easiest topics around. at a-level.

huge huge sigh.

but as long as my results are below 20 points. i know i will be at one of the junior colleges. because to survive in the society in future. a degree is absolutely essential. and since i won't be able to go overseas to study. i need to get into a local university. at all costs. and that means. junior college education.

maybe its not that bad. but the 2 months in jc has been a terrible experience. i don't know if i want to throw myself into something like that for another 2 years. but. i shall leave all the considerations till after i receive my results. because its no use deciding on something without knowing if you can make it.

thanks for today. =)

2005-02-19T18:40:00.000+08:00

finished the final of 5 dental treatments for my molar. first 2 were root canal, third was post care, and the final 2 were making and putting in the crown. and tadah! i got back a beautiful molar! no more toothaches. and it looks so beautiful. i am relieved. hopefully i won't need to go for any other dental treatments any time soon.

rushed back to training. just in time for the farewell. and i feel very blessed to be in this unit. because we're special.

one squad has never failed to impress me this year. because their attitude towards training is so special. sometimes. just watching them from the sidelines. brings a smile to my face. its very nice. when you can see a squad enjoy training. which is supposed to be torturous.

when they can laugh. play. sing. wear broad smiles. barely 20 after they were punished. a squad which knows how to differentiate between play. and work. zhonghua npcc year 2. keep up the good work. in doing so. continue to enjoy training.

2005-02-15T22:55:00.000+08:00

had a horrible plus terrible day today. haha. mr lee moh choon's typical statement for additional mathematics results.

just simply lost it today. blew my top twice. got knocked out of the competition. lost daniel's soccer ball. it doesn't get much worse does it.

the soccer competition sucked. the court was shit. its no place to put 10 crazy guys. the councillors did an amazingly lousy job. 2 courts. both had its own set of rules. fair? and throughtout. there were no fouls given. what the fuck.

then came this dragonboat guy along. everytime he wanted to tackle one of us. he would just pull our shirt back. what is this man. no foul. as we were trailing them. he wanted to waste time. so he pulled roy's arm back. preventing him from distributing the ball. that was the last straw.

what happened afterthat. not too nice to reveal. but i still believe we should have won it. damn it. what a day.

2005-02-14T22:43:00.000+08:00

valentines'. happy valentines' to everyone out there.

sigh. i shall talk about some other stuff.

i'd say the most interesting thing which happened today was general paper lesson. my civics tutor showed us a movie, or documentary titled bowling for columbine. by michael moore. the director of farenheit 911.

it was more of a documentary. and a very thought-provoking one. very interesting show. about the high school shooting in columbine. but more so. about the American culture. think about these.

any american can walk into a certain bank. deposit a sum of $5000. sign a form. and choose a rifle on the spot. and they are given that rifle on the spot. bullets can be easily purchased at 'convenience' stalls.

the constitution states that any american is free to possess arms. and this person who had been previously linked with the oklahoma bombing made an unforgetable remark. "what are arms? nuclear weapons can be arms too!"

no country in the world has a death toll of people being killed by fire weapons (not including areas engaged in warfare, political conflict etc) which exceed a thousand mark. america has more than eleven thousand every year.

on the very same day of the columbine shooting. which killed 12. only an hour earlier. the americans had carried out a bombing campaign. which destroyed a school and hospital in kosovo. just imagine how mnay people were killed.

really good show. watch it if you can. something which struck me, was the fact that most of us in singapore. live luxuriously. maybe not in terms of material possessions. but we don't have incidents such as columbine shooting. we don't get hit by tsunamis. we don't lie above a fault line. our country is first world. which means. sanitation. food. drink. electricity. so much which we've forgotten. forget what is appreication. and people like myself only complain at everything. shit. i feel damn guilty. because i have been given such a great life. but i am complaining.

*slaps myself*

ok. enough about the show. but i have decided that i want to go get the farenheit 911 vcd and watch it. that michael moore guy really makes great shows. bowling for columbine was especially GP-ish.

pretty much spent my free valentines' day time training for the soccer competition tomorrow. particularly low on confidence. after the soccer trial. just hoping that i can play well. and hopefully. very hopefully. we win something. our first game is against a team named char kway teow.

-.-

talk about being lame.

2005-02-09T12:29:00.000+08:00

its the lunar new year. wishing everyone. a happy year ahead. =)

its not a very happy year for me. have been in a very poor mood recently. to be exact. from the day i got admitted into hospital till now. of course, there have been some moments to smile about. but under the smiling face. its another story.

to add to my health and dental nightmare. there have been so much happening. and i simply cannot cope with everything. seriously. i don't remember a time in my life. that i am feeling so sucky for such a long time. yeah. but i know i am an ass too. can't cope with a few simple problems in my life. pui.

don't you find it funny. that a blog is supposed to be a personal diary. where we record interesting information or personal feelings we want to remember. but for the simple reason that it is a blog. we have to control what we are saying. because you don't exactly want the whole world to know what's going on in your life. to at least retain a certain amount of privacy.

that's the very same concern i take into account everytime i blog down my thoughts. that i must maintain a certain level of professionalism. because i have a commitment as a cadet inspector. and. i would also like only a select few to know what is going on. not the whole audience of my blog. because you never know who's reading. might just be the person you hate most. sniggering away everytime he reads your relation of a bad experience.

i am thinking too much. =X

back to more complaining. and whining about why everything isn't going my way. which isn't exactly the case. because i believe that the problems i am facing. are actually nothing. just that i choose to look at them in a negative way. anyway. for once. i thought i would be absolutely frank and relate what has been getting me down.

we broke up.

i mean. its very hard to get over something that has been going on for 15 months. that is like hell of a long time for a secondary school relationship. communicating almost everyday. then suddenly. its all gone.

my parents don't even know. i just find it so hard to relate to them about relationship matters. i am not that open about it. but i guess they guessed. don't want to go any further to comment anything else. hope no one gets the wrong idea about what i have said.

once again. happy lunar new year. =)

2005-02-07T21:21:00.000+08:00

the eve of the eve of them lunar new year. the holiday mood has set in.

went shopping for some stuff for my mum's birthday. which incidentally lands on the eve of the lunar new year this year. somehow. i never seem to remember my mother's birthday. talk about being an ungrateful son. anyway. went to order an ice cream cake from anderson's. and bought some coloured paper from popular. i am so going to have to make the card into the wee hours of the morning.

but our effort pales in comparision for what she has done for us.

all together now: "awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"

because i've got the best mum in the world! haha

2005-02-05T23:44:00.000+08:00

just back not too long ago from a long day. went out with the group cause some of them needed to buy clothes for chinese new year. and we spent an amazingly long time shopping. i mean i never knew that guys could shop for that long. because, for myself. i always have an aim before i go shopping. if i aimed to get something. chances are. i will just get that item then my shopping trip is finished. no walking around. no browsing through shops. no window shopping. just go straight. and get the item i want. done.

but they could like walk for don't know how long. and their legs still weren't tired. and still not sick of looking through piles of clothing. and i personally felt that most of the designs of the clothes there were pretty much bad. unless you have your sights set on dressing like a somewhat punk. or some poser. but that doesn't mean that everything there wasn't nice. just making a general statement. no offence.

went to play warcraft and counterstrike after that. and i have never played warcraft. and i have hardly touched counterstrike. so i was being thrashed. there were times when i haven't even picked up my gun. then i realise that i am killed already. -.- that's how proficient i am in the area of computer games. but it was pretty fun nevertheless.

came back for a quick dinner. then left for a family car ride. excluding mr recruit. these car rides have become a thing of the past. when we would go as a family. to view the christmas lightup. or just drive around orchard. and soak in the atmosphere. today's ride was the same. just that i slept through it. =X

then we went somewhere near chinatown. i think its called tanjong pagar. then we walked to maxwell market. and on the way. it was like just all the shophouses. with the pubs. araoke lounges. bars. discos and all. you get the idea. on the outside. it looked fine. nothing to suggest anything sleazy about the place. guess its very different inside?

which then reminds me about the article on the cover of the weekend edition of Today. which was about something about the sleazy stuff going around in singapore. it was pretty hilarious though.

2005-02-04T22:57:00.000+08:00

skipped school today for my dental appointment. but i would gladly go to school if it meant that i don't need to go for dental.

anyway. my root canal treatment ended on wednesday. today she did the mould for the crown. have to say that she was a really good dentist. even though it isn't successful yet. my final treatment would be on the 18th. hopefully. if nothing goes wrong. i don't dare to think that something will go wrong. because it would mean an operation. i simply shudder at that thought. i need a real long break from any dental or health problem.

went down for training after my dental treatment and a quick nap. still managed to reach there on time. and i am like simply not used to this idea of having trainings on friday. because there is never enough time. on paper its only a reduction of one hour. but on a saturday you can do so much more. because training starts at 7.45. but i guess its about getting used to it.

the end of training was simply amazing. when the whole unit was doing the maori war cheer. it was a very nice way of ending off a training. i believed almost everyone. if not everyone at least enjoyed training at that very moment.

i hate people who can't sing. but want to go for auditions. and show the whole world how bad they are. and then still manage to muster enough ego to insist they are good enough. or step out of the audition room cursing. believing that they were good enough. living in denial. i hate them. because they hate themself. they have totally no respect whatsoever for themselves. because if they did. they would know their own limits. not going for an audition. when they have no chance. to succeed in. all this because the sickening 'singing' can be heard from my living room all the way to the study room.

2005-02-02T21:46:00.000+08:00

ah. today was my soccer 'trial'. although it was over 3 weeks ago. but the coach was very nice to give me another chance.

and somehow. i think he just included me as part of the team even before he saw me play. well. at least that's the feeling i got. because i simply played like shit. or rather. my standard as compared to the rest was just crap. a simple example to get my point through.

if the coach were to pick a team of 11 for a match tomorrow out of 16 players. i wouldn't be selected.

guess you get it. and my legs are aching like mad. not wobbly. but aching badly. part injury. part lack of fitness. i like couldn't keep up with the pace of the match. it was like going at a super high tempo. especially the 2 on 2. when he like blew the whistle to stop the game. i was like panting so loudly. really need to work on my fitness. just don't have the discipline to do so. =

i was like played at centre back today. and i can't defend for nuts. i have never put in effort into defending. and suddenly i find myself the last line of defence. and i played like a piece of shit. i have no idea how do you defend. gosh.

but i believe i do not have the skill. ability. and fitness to get a attacking role. so i might as well make do with what i have gotten. i'ld say i am sort of 'aiming' for right back. just don't give me centre defence. please? anyone with tips on defending. please do give me your invaluable advice. because i am sure that you have done alot more defending than me. =)

the coach was like teaching us how to defend. as in. the stance we should take. all that. and it was like. fancing. open your legs wide. one in front of the other. and lower yourself. so fencing! even the way you track back. its exactly like fencing movements! yeah. but i am really tired now. so won't blog too much.

2005-01-31T21:44:00.000+08:00

i think i got myself injured. because there is something wrong with the back of my right thigh. no idea what they call it. but it has been like strained since last monday's track training. when we did hurdling. and it hasn't exactly healed after that. tried to kick around after my pe lesson. then it got so strained that i couldn't even kick properly. just hoping that it will heal soon. if not its going to be close to impossible to play a soccer match properly.

can hardly stretch myself. or it will hurt. can hardly put in a little more pace. or it will hurt. guess the way out would be to give my legs some rest. guess they were overworked during the track training. which then resulted in this strain.

don't think i will join track anymore. i am going for a soccer trial on wednesday. but i don't have confidence that i will manage to get into the team. but i doubt i can last long in track. just don't like the cca. no interest. and don't exactly like the people in there. although some of them are really nice. either soccer. if i get selected. or i'll leave myself cca-less for the first 3 months.

been in the unit for just over a month now. as a cadet inspector. just a month. but it has been very interesting. though challenging and disappointing at times. but i am still learning. have no idea whatsoever in many things. so much background work which doesn't meet the eye. but its a commitment and challenge i won't regret taking up. and we still have yet to get paid our $2 per training.

love to make fun of this topic. because if we go according to $2 as a 'salary', which it isn't, for a training which should last approximately 5 hours. then cadet inspectors are valued at $0.40 an hour. well. the experience which enables us to grow and mature as a person: invaluable.

the last training was particularly refreshing. and encouraging. seeing that our cadets can enjoy training. it was wonderful feeling. because npcc is more than just about punishments and sufferings. before you become a leader and punish others making them suffer. there is more to it. but it is absolutely important that we strike the best balance. of having fun and enjoying training. but also completing the necessary and disciplining ourselves when the time calls for it.

everyone has a part to play.

be it the recruits. or the cadets. or the non-commissioned officers. or the instructors. or the officers.

so as we start yet another year. i hope everyone gives of his and her best effort.

2005-01-30T20:38:00.000+08:00

so the weekend comes to a close. and school starts again.

i am like dreading jc life. the thought of going to school. not sure why do i dread it so much. could be the fact that i can't catch up with the acdemic side, since i am not putting in any effort to study. or the fact that i haven't exactly made any close friends. jc allows you to make many friends. but i simply don't see any of them being like one of my close friends in secondary school. i miss some people who can just wreck havoc. like just joke around. skip lectures.

everyone is like being so goody good people. seems likeno one dares to skip lectures. or even want to for that matter. its like. first 3 months. and everyone is mugging. -.-

just the mention of having to go to school puts me off. maybe its the fact that i haven't studied for 3 months? i am seriously considering whether i should go to jc. i mean it justs doesn't suit me. but neither do polytechnics.

its just me. =X

realised that i have been in a very whiny mood of late. i guess things are not exactly going my way. so i get pissed off easily. and then start to use my blog to complain all i want. but i hate reading people complain on their blogs. i guess its time that i stopped too.

2005-01-28T23:54:00.000+08:00

skipped lessons again. somehow managed to persuade my civics tutor to sign my early leave form. but it took me over 20 minutes just to persuade her to do so. but. i mean its the first 3 months man! relax a little la! no idea how am i going to escape to attend subsequent trainings.

npcc is on friday. and incidentally. my friday is the most packed. all the way from 7.40 till 4.10. with a miserable 1 hour break. which is pathetic compared to all the other days. and i am very much inclined towards training.

don't have much to say too. very tired. but i just don't exactly feel like sleeping.

2005-01-27T21:57:00.000+08:00

going through another rough patch. don't know why many things are turning out badly. cannot emphasize how much i am looking to see the end of january.

i don't know if its my mood which is affecting me now. but suddenly. i am starting to find jc boring. the novelty is gone. and the boredom and reality of what jc life is really like is starting to set in.

i mean why is everyone studying. its the first 3 months. really need to chiong meh? i mean its like a time to relax. then almost everyone is like so enthusiastic about studying. paying full attention in class. that's just not me man. maybe that's why i don't get good results.

and i am a shitty student. the teacher's pest. because i haven't done a single tutorial. i think i broke everyone's record. by not attempting a single tutorial on my own. and truthfully. i have no idea what the some of the tutors are going through right now. and i thought my goal was to make full use of the first 3 months and learn as much as i could. what a joke i have made of my resolution.

then i skipped my general paper lecture today. my tutor found out. i should have known. so she sms-ed me asking where i was. darn. i should have known. got quite alot of explaining to do tomorrow. bad bad me. skipped track training as well. ah well. i give up on myself. hopeless case.

feel disappointed with myself. because not everyone have the chance to go to school. and i got this opportunity. but i am not making full use of it. just slacking and playing my way through. and the person who suffers at the end is myself. i have a maths test tomorrow. and i have no idea how do you do partial fractions. stupid me.

ok. enough complaining. learn how to appreciate what i have.

was talking to a friend from nanyang jc last night. then i asked if she would be staying in nanyang after the first 3 months. was pretty surprised by her reply. because i expected her to name some other junior college that she wanted to go to. but funny that she had already mapped out a route she wanted to take. where to study. what courses. weighed the pros and cons of her options. and has already set for herself a particular career.

then i realised that i have no goal. no idea what i want in life. seriously. i am so for going to a jc for the simple reason that it will enable most students to enter a local university. but other than that. i have no idea what do i want to do in future. but personally. i felt it would be a little premature to start thinking what i wanted to do when i have not even gotten back my results. so i shall leave the planning on hold. something i have in mind is architecture. at the rate i am progressing. its a really good joke.

2005-01-26T22:25:00.000+08:00

i thought my day couldn't get any worse. but it did.

well. just going to take it as a lesson learnt. hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. =)

2005-01-26T20:08:00.000+08:00

having a bad day today. pretty much pissed off for many parts of the day. somehow. it just seemed like one incident coming after another.

my temper rearing its ugly side. again. although i haven't exactly got this pissed for quite some time already. nevermind. forget it. have more important things to talk about.

thank God that everything turned out fine for my follow up session at changi general hospital. because. one side of me was worried that i might just be admitted again. so. thank God that there was nothing wrong. including the 'irregularities' with my lungs. very relieved that the whole incident is behind me.

missed cross country today. because the follow up took much longer than i expected. and i didn't want to rush all the way there. just to run 4.8 kilometres in the sweltering heat. not exactly the best thing to do when your legs are aching. and walking has become a slight chore. heard that dragonboat won. which isn't exactly surprising. although my coach downplayed their chances alot.

i mean. when a group of people do 19 400m laps as warm up. you don't expect to beat them. track was like doing 6 rounds? talk about overconfidence. we were supposed to win weren't we. anyway we're track. but somehow. just felt that the track training isn't really going to produce winners. and i feel there is this air of overconfidence within track. especially when they were talking about the cross country. and some members inside are simply arrogant. because they were school team. wow. i am so impressed. i am almost star struck by their very presence at training with us.

roll your eyeballs in as huge a circumference as you can.

went back to zhonghua yesterday. did some npcc stuff. met another arrogant idiot.

knowing how to do a few new soccer tricks doesn't make you a very good player. wipe that cocky look off your face. someone didn't dare to take on our team. and now come and try to be arrogant to us.

mitchell. one day we will give you a good thrashing. teach you something about soccer. and something about basic respect. if we can thrash the victoria team. we can do the exact same to you.

guess you can sense how pissed off i am. i thought i better stop here now. before i start spewing expletives all over this post. not exactly what you will expect from a christian.

2005-01-25T20:13:00.000+08:00

my muscles are aching all over. my fitness level really sucks.

we did hurdling for training yesterday. pretty scary. i mean when you have to sprint. and there is this obstacle in front of you. which just looks like its so tall. but it was pretty much about psychological aspect. becasue. everyone could cross the hurdles.

and the wonderful result. is that my legs are aching all over. and yes. there is cross country tomorrow.

feeling a little down. not sure why too. but school's been keeping me busy. so its not that bad afterall. thinking about the visit to the hospital tomorrow. just makes me feel worse. i don't want to be anywhere near any hospital. when its me being the patient.

got the follow-up session. when i'll supposedly learn what was the cause of the rashes. drug allergy. viral infection. or whatever. and will get some update about 'irregularities' with respect to my lung. just praying and trusting God that he will bring me through this. it has been an experience to forget. and, hopefully, i'll be at cross country tomorrow.

terence shared with me something which i felt was very meaningful. and something i am very guilty of. because. somehow i never cease to stop worrying.

"Casting all your care upon Him; for He careth for you" -1 Peter 5:7

"Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." -Matthew 6:34

for those who are worrying about one thing or another. remember the 2 verses above. and be comforted. because, its at the darkest and lowest points of your life when God doesn't walk with you. He carries you.

which incidentally brings me to. all of you are invited to my church this sunday. drop me an sms if you're interested in going. =)

2005-01-23T22:12:00.000+08:00

my poor brother.

back to the sights and sounds of beautiful pulau tekong. his home for at least the next 2 months. can sense the kind of downtrodden mood he was in when he was changing and packing his stuff. but i must add that he looks smart in his camouflage uniform. shuai ge ok!

remember OCS. all the best.

before moving on to something else i wanted to blog about. i was wondering if my last post was too nasty. do leave your comment once my tagboard is back up. i guess sometimes i do shoot my mouth off too quickly.

the topic i wanted to talk about today is about the tagboard. or whatever they call it now. lost track of all the different kinds of comments board they have now.

how do we react when someone comes to our tagboard. or our friends' for that matter. and starts shooting his/her mouth off. talking nonsense about you. scolding you with all the expletives within their pitiful vocabulary. how do we react.

this has become a very interesting topic to me. because more and more people are turning up at tagboards. and vandalising them. but my focus isn't so much on these people. because they have already proven themselves to be hopeless, simply by their action. but rather, my focus is on the victim of the 'abuse'. and the friends of the 'victim'.

how do we react.

do we start retorting the person. or do we keep quite about it. do we delete the tags/comments. do we remove the tagboard. or do we start to get ourselves into a slanging match. using expletives. threatening. seeing which party, together with their 'supporters', can out-talk the other.

maybe you're wondering why am i talking about this. cause there's no one vandalising my tagboard (at least for now!). but nevermind. won't wash dirty linen in public.

wish everyone a good week ahead. expecially those in the army camp. =)

and yes. i am still praying for your recovery.

2005-01-22T20:37:00.000+08:00

http://li_jian.blogspot.com

i feel so insulted and embarassed that i was a zhonghuarian.

you don't expect a 16 year old to blog like that. much less the president of zhonghua student council. sorry for being so damn blunt here. but my cousin half his age would be able to produce something similar, if not better.

maybe you can sense. i still bear lots of resentment and bitterness about my time in zhonghua against some people. and on my blog. they get condemned.

2005-01-22T08:27:00.000+08:00

we are all praying that you recover quickly.

went to visit a friend in hospital yesterday. first time i have been in an icu ward. seeing him lying on the hospital bed. in so much discomfort. barely managed to open his eye and talk to us. i can just imagine the kind of pain he is going through. please. i hope you recover quickly.

life is so fragile. a youth full of life could just be reduced to that in a split second. for the second time in a month. i had to be at the hospital. a place i grown to hate. because. life is just so fragile in there. especially within icu. where there are all the electronic devices recording everything. and any life can just vanish so quickly. thank God his condition isn't life-threatening.

visiting and seeing his condition really set me thinking. that most of us are just ungrateful idiots. we never treasure the everyday things in life. and we keep complaining about everything. we keep moaning when there is the slightest hint that something isn't going our way. i am one big culprit. but life is so much more than just that. its only when we lose our health. or get into an accident. when we finally realise how fortunate we actually are. but never seem to appreciate it.

moving on to another topic. my brother was back from the army on thursday night! other than the new hairstyle. tanned body. beautiful muscles. and pretty well defined six pack. i think he has changed. i felt a different brother. someone who has really grown from his experience.

next would be my turn. be it in 2 years. or in 3 years. it would be my turn to go in. and learn how to grow up. and be a more mature person. but until then. i will be thankful for the hot water shower. nice food. and freedom i enjoy.

we are all praying for you.

2005-01-18T22:25:00.000+08:00

today was the first day of real junior college life. lectures. tutorials. i think i am enjoying it. because there is so much more freedom than in secondary school. do whatever you like with your hair. wear whatever you want to. as long as it looks like school uniform. use your handphone as and when you want. including taking pictures of people sleeping in lecture. greet the lecturers and tutors? unheard of. have as much fun as you want. have all the freedom you wish for.

nanyang jc is quite slack. compared to catholic. since i crashed yesterday. i made up my mind that i won't want to go to catholic jc. because. it's almost like another zhonghua. it sucks. it would give me great pleasure to go through the teachers i hate one by one. and slam them for all i care. but i guess as a cadet inspector. there are certain standards i have to abide to. and so happens this is one of them.

was kept busy for the entire day. which was a blessing in disguise. i do hope that i am kept as busy as possible. as occupied. because somethings which are happening are certainly getting me down. keeping myself busy would be the best possible way to keep myself from thinking too much. look ahead and stay positive!

easier said than done.

something which has surprised me is the fact that the j1's all seem very determined to study. even during these first 3 months. my classmates are like all so diligent type. quite unusual. even during lectures. hardly anyone talks. everyone is paying attention. or at least most don't doze off. i am still yet to catch up with the work i missed out in the first week. not very sure how will i catch up. but hopefully i don't start to fall behind. because its unusual having to start studying after going 2 months without working my brains. i guess they are pretty rusty by now.

a digrestion. after one month. and a day. i finally have got back my SIM card number. so please contact me at the original number. and just for the record. i finally changed my antique N 6510 to N 7260. doesn't have that many functions such as bluetooth and an mp3 player. but for $238. you can't expect much can you.

today was also my first training. i have decided to join NY Track. we train at bishan stadium. which i pretty much can't understand because we have a beautiful track back in NY as well. so why the need to waste the travel time. realised how unfit i am from today's training. couldn't go through all the conditioning exercises. was very tiring. but. will be a good avenue for myself to train up my fitness level. which is extremely. and pathetically. low.

had a really long and tiring day. guess its time to turn in. still have the dreaded trip to the dentist for the second root canal treatment. the horrors.

2005-01-17T21:53:00.000+08:00

champions.

singapore finally made it in soccer. and have the title and prestige of being south east asian champions. quite a big deal considering the fact that they managed to overcome oponents such as the wrestling myanmar and skilful indonesia.

i, for one, has been really proved wrong this time around. i gave the team no chance, both at the start of the tournament and at the start of the semi-final stage. i didn't expect them to get this far. less so, to win it. even at the start of the second leg of the final. i had my doubts about the Lions winning it against the indonesian team. because the Lions have continually failed in the past. and belief in them had just reached rock bottom. where every good performance is a surprise. and every defeat something unusual. no wonder people like myself became so negative about singapore football.

but if there's a time when i felt singapore football was performing up to standard. and up to expectations. it was this time. their performances from the semi-final onwards have really proven that they can be champions. they kept cool heads against myanmar and managed to grind out a result. then they went to senayan and played one memorable match. before finally wrapping up the tournament in style by winning on home soil.

it has indeed come a long way. and this tournament has also brought back the passion for football in singapore. seeing the national stadium packed with supporters was a wonderul feeling. it would have been great to be part of the atmosphere. which reminded me of the singapore- malaysia tiger cup match back in november 2002. the match started with a great atmosphere. a special memory i'll keep with me for sometime to come. despite being thrashed that night. it was nevertheless a great experience for me. being inside a packed stadium, our eyes fixed on the match. cheering our team on.

i do hope that singapore football takes this victory in its stride and continue improving and bringing singapore glory- and something for the whole nation to cheer about. =)

2005-01-15T15:43:00.000+08:00

looking through the lecture notes passed to me by an orientation friend. i must admit that i was simply caught by surprise. i never expected them to be that 'cheem'. i wanted to look through and catch up on what i've missed out on during the past week. but it doesn't seem very possible anymore.

just one week. and i've started on the wrong footing. thankfully, i chose to just take 3A's. phew.

i wonder that if my o level results allow. will i have what it takes to go through 2 years of this kind of education and survive. personally, i'm quite surprised at the fact that the lecturers have gone through so much just within the first week. which was supposed to be just slack?

welcome to tertiary education. =X

2005-01-14T22:35:00.000+08:00

Summer Sunshine

Everyone's changing, I stay the same
I'm... a solo cello outside a chor-us
I've got a secret,
It's time for me to tell that you've been keeping me warm

Just sweet beginnings and bitter en-dings
In coffee city, we borrowed hea-ven Don't give it back, I've never felt so wanted
Are you taking me home?

You tell me you have to go...

[Chorus:]
In the heat of summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you, and nobody needs to know

Now that you've left me, there's no retur-ning
I keep comparing, you're always win-ning
I try to be strong but you'll never be more wanted
Will you make me at home?

Don't tell me you have to go...

[Chorus:]
In the heat of summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you, and nobody needs to know

Ya da... ya da... ya da

To sweet beginnings and bitter en-dings
In coffee city, we borrowed hea-ven
Don't give it back
Winter is coming and I need to stay warm

The heat.....

[Chorus:]
In the heat of summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you, and nobody knows

[Chorus:]
In the heat of summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you, and nobody needs to know

2005-01-14T22:29:00.000+08:00

finally. i am a cadet inspector of zhonghua npcc unit.

posting was released today. both jueling and myself posted back. *collective sigh of relief* i was very fearful that i would be posted to a unit which is in shambles. no organisation whatsoever. cadets' attitude simply suck. seeing these kind of units then make me appreciate the kind of cadets we have in zhonghua.

being a cadet inspector isn't as easy as i first thought. i always thought that cadet inspectors are a**holes who go down to training to screw people. well. i guess some of my cadets view me that way. but i realised that there's so much more to it. that didn't meet the eye at first. but, its a decision i won't regret. looking forward to the challenge ahead. got quite a lot of stuff to handle this year. some of which are really BIG tasks. its going to be a busy year ahead..

after missing school for the whole week. i realised i have missed out on alot. just within one week. and it was supposed to be 'slack'. i am going to have so much catching up to do.

2005-01-13T21:08:00.000+08:00

you know something. i feel really lucky that i can sit in front of the computer listening to music. chatting with friends. blogging. thank you Lord.

today i finally bought a pair of sports shoes. or track shoes. after hesitating for 6 months. i decided that i would make a decision today and buy one. and it couldn't have been a better time.

i went to queensway today with my heart set on an orange pair of asics. or ds racer. on my last visit there, that shoe looked awesome to me. it cost $120. so i decided to give it a period of consideration since it was orange. then, while walking around and browsing through the different shops. i realised that it was no longer on display. until i came to this Indian-owned shop where i had seen the shoe the previous time. he brought it out. and wanted to sell it to me for $168. what cheek!

where is the integrity. i realised many stall owners at beach road and queensway are completely dishonest. downright dishonest. they will just lie and cheat you in your face without batting an eyelid. 2 very fortunate incidents for me. almost got cheated so my money on both occasions.

anyway. back to my shoe-purchasing adventure. while trying on the ds racer. i decided that although the side was very nice. the front and the other side wasn't. so i was kind of stuck. one side of me wanting to go for it. the other side telling me that i wouldn't like that shoe in a short time. so thankfully, daniel suggested we go look around. that was a great decision.

the next shop we came to had the new stock of asics shoes. the brand new designs! so i finally settled for one which i couldn't resist. haha. so there. my shoe-purchasing adventure finally came to an end. and i am one satisfied customer. although my pocket has a hole as well.

2005-01-12T18:04:00.000+08:00

how different my mood was just 3hours ago. then i was pacing up and down my ward worried if the doctors would finally allow me to be discharged. now i'm sitting happily in front of the computer.

my ordeal is finally over.

the past few days in hospital have been a terrible time for me. in terms of pschological. staying inside an empty room. staring at nothing but walls, cupboards, doors and plants. and the worst part was that i had no idea when i could leave. making the whole experience so much painful. when you have no goal to get to. no aim. imagine studying for an examination whose date is not known. that's the same way i felt. personally, the hospital became my personal prison. just that this prison was very relaxing. could sleep the whole day away. could do anything we wanted. other than get out of the place. which is precisely what everyone there wanted.

was warded on saturday night for rashes. the cause is still not known. amazing isn't it. i think almost 10 different doctors saw me to assess my condition. and none could come up with a diagnosis. but nevertheless. thank God i've been recovering and could be discharged today.

can you imagine. stuck in a hospital. and the place proved just how fragile life is. on monday night i saw a person who had just passed away. i think i saw the last few moments of another's life yesterday. the mood there is just so sombre. everyone is down and out. everyone wears a worried frown.

there is simply nothing to do in the hospital. even if you have things to keep you entertained, the very thought of where you are just simply changes your mood. all in all. its been a very bad experience. i hope i never have to repeat it again.

and to all who are in hospital. i hope you have a speedy and full recovery.

2005-01-07T23:23:00.000+08:00

hey! finally blogging. the whole week has been so tiring, but i thought i would just blog about the orientation cause i had so much FUN! haha

and before elaborating about how interesting and exciting orientation has been, i thought it would only be appropriate that i mentioned that my brother enlisted for NS today. *applause* which also means. no need to fight for the computer anymore! haha. anyway, though he won't be reading this, i really want to wish him all the best in the army. and hoepfully he gets into OCS and fulfills his dream! *applause*

i'm sure you can sense by now i'm not exactly blogging quite normally. a little high. =)

the first 2 days of orientation was personally quite a bad experience for me. it was boring. and feeling nauseous all day didn't help too much. was feeling just down and terrible for that time. thankfully that changed halfway through the second day. my orientation experience for the five days can be summarised in an exponential graph. very low during the first 2 days.

from then it was upwards. and i enjoyed myself. had a great time. never regretted choosing NY! had so many activities. cheering. mild games. wild games. couple dance. 27th dance. the quest. mass games. faction games. what a wonderful time i had! one word to summarise my orientation.

FUN.

one special event for me was the disco night which ended around 3 hours ago. i had so MUCH fun! haha. i guessed it was one of the first times which i really danced. haha. like joining in with everyone else. just letting your hair down. and dancing the night away! haha. had a great time man! =)

moving on to some more serious stuff. which is subject combination. just for future reading purpose sake. you know, just in case 10 years later i still manage to visit this blog. then i would know. i signed up for S3, which consists of: Mathematics, Chemistry and Physics. decided that 4 subjects would be too much for a non-study person like myself. so i decided i would just go for 3. hopefully having 3 would enable me to start to 'enjoy' study a little. note 'hopefully'.

ok. i am really tired now. going for a good rest. thank goodness i am not in army.

2005-01-02T22:31:00.000+08:00

i just heard that the score between Singapore and Myanmar currently stands at 4-2 in extra time! whew! what a close shave. i thought they would have won much more easily, but since i haven't watched the match i won't comment too much. what i did hear from terence is that 3 myanmar players got sent off.

what a disgrace. myanmar should be ashamed.

because no matter how weell the 2 teams might have played. the emphasis would be on their 3 players who were sent off. taking the referee's whistle and throwing it to the ground. maybe he forgot he wasn't in a gangfight. shameful team. they deserve nothing but to be expelled.

anyway, tomorrow will be the first day of school after such a long time. i don't exactly feel very enthusiastic about the orientation although everyone from a jc says its fun. i haven't decided what combination i want to choose. stuck between whether to take 3As or 4As. and if taking 4As whether to take double maths double science, or maths double science and economics. and i haven't decided what cca am i going to join. hopefully something which i can train up on my fitness, an aspect i am severely lacking in. will see what interesting choices they have though.

went for my first of 5 or 6 root canal treatment yesterday. unlike my other dental visits. this one was the most comfortable although it should been the total opposite. all thanks to the injection. should really be thankful for it. cause throughout the one hour, i didn't even feel a pain. the whole portion of my right mouth was entirely numb. the fact that she put a dental blade in to cut my gums and i didn't feel a thing is absolutely relieving. guess i have to really thank God for the good dentist He gave me.

that's all for today. wish everyone the best in the upcoming year! going to have the monday blues..

2005-01-01T01:23:00.000+08:00

its almost coming to one and a half hour into the new year 2005. some unhappiness may have been present within the last few hours, but i thought it woulf be appropriate to start the new year off not by scolding someone off and feeling pissed off. so i would like to share some reflections which i felt benefitted me greatly during the Watch Night Service my church held yesterday (31st Dec).

the Watch Night Service is an annual service we hold every new year's eve. and it is a time when we gather together to share how God has brought us through yet another year and preserved us that we can even be present there. other than that, we sung hymns as well as listened to a short sharing by my pastor as well as partook of the Holy Communion, my first.

i would like to share some testimonies i heard before i share mine.

many went up to praise and thank God for the so much he has blessed them with in the past year as well as further back. be it for health. or a job. or for their elderly parents. just sitting there and listening to them share was a very enriching experience. knowing how God has worked in each one of them.

one particular testimony which touched my heart was by this youth friend in my church, she's 2 years older than myself. unlike many of us, she comes from a broken family, and the family's finance isn't very adequate. this march, she got her o-level results, expecting to further her education in polytechnic. but when the o-level results were released, her grades could only get her into ite. who wouldn't be disappointed? who wouldn't see it as the biggest setback of their life. but the very fact that she could go up and thank God even for results she had not wanted, it really touched me. like her, when i get my results, i hope that should it not be favourable, i will be able to learn from the experience and still thank God. rather than follow the chinese tv serials. everytime something goes wrong. it lao tian ye's (heaven) fault.

then she continued by telling us why she worked during the 3 months. for most of us, the reason why we would want to work is so we can earn that extra dollar to buy that beautiful shirt in the billabong stall. or levi's jeans. or anything else. but for her, she worked so that she could fulfill her dream. which was to go to Xinjiang to visit one of my church's missionary. wow. would you work 3 months to go somewhere to do CIP. where there is no proper sanitation. where they didn't bathe for 3 days.

i do hope you didn't get the wrong idea that i am trying to say she's all righteous and all, but rather, that she served as a special example to me. likewise the many others who shared their testimonies tonight. those who thanked God that he prevented them from travelling to phuket and penang. those who shared about how precious life is. i didn't share my testimony tonight. but i thought i would like to take this time, to just reflect on the whole year and how God has brought me through it.

1. Spiritual life
although brought up in a christian home. it was not until this year that i believe i am truly saved. throughout my secondary school life. i have been consistantly backsliding. and the result has been a rebelious child. poor student. and horrible testimony. the visit to daniel's church on the youth salvation night gave me the pinch i needed to wake myself up when one of the church's member asked me this question. if you died tonight, would you go to heaven? one question that made me determine i wanted to change as a person. and to become a christian. one part of me which i managed to rid myself of was vulgar language. which i am proud of. i can safely assure you that you wouldn't hear me spewing vulgarities freely. although i am still suspect to the odd one or two in a moment of anger. although i determined to be a christian, it wasn't easy. with studies. with leisure. everyday i would have a new excuse not to do devotion and have a personal walk with him. but thank God that he never gave up on me and i managed to get baptised and now have a daily walk with him. thank you Lord. one resolution in the coming year would be to have a close walk with God and to grow and mature both as a person, and spiritually.

2. Family life
thank God for preserving my family through the whole year. that despite the quarrels, unhappiness and friction at times, we are still functioning happily as a family. thank you Lord. my resolution would be to be a more obedient son. (please don't laugh!)

3. Academic
firstly, i would like to thank God for helping me even though i was practically lost in secondary 3 work. but he helped me to catch up even though i must admit that i didn't study as hard as i should have. to be precise. alot harder. but by His grace i still managed to do well (my personal standard) and get into nyjc science stream for the first 3 months. thank you Lord for that. another resolution would be to make full use of these 3 months to learn and then leave it to God as to where i may be headed after the release of the results.

4. Relationship
thank God for seeing us through this whole year and that we're still together despite the ups and downs. although we will be very busy next year. i believe we will continue to be together and i cherish this special relationship we share! one resolution? no idea. to be more romantic? hahaha (o'_'o)

5. Cadet Inspectorship
thank God for him granting my dream and allowing me to become a cadet inspector. it has been something i've dreamt of since becoming an nco. thank God also for seeing me through the course, especially when i was ill and also even when there were many dangers present. one was a falling coconut from around 4 storeys high landed within a metre radius of me in ubin. one resolution for me would be to be a good ci. you may ask what is my standard of a good ci. is it bringing the unit to uopa gold? or polishing out fine cadets and ncos? or what? i have set for myself a standard which isn't both of the following and that i would like to keep personal.

so there it is. my brief list of the so much i would like to thank God for. things we often take for granted. that we're still alive. that we have good health and strength. that we're safe. that we've food. water. a home. and so on. thank you Lord.

i would like to end my post by wishing everyone a blessed year ahead. one which maybe filled with obstacles and trials. but also one which may be a great experience for us, and remember to stay cheerful!

2004-12-30T15:59:00.000+08:00

the past day has been so trying. its weird that for the second time in a month, when my parents are away i fell sick with a fever. the last time was during my CI course. this time its when my parents are away in malaysia.

supposed to be in malaysia now. but on tuesday, at the checkpoint, we found out that both my brother's passport and mine were expired. so we travelled home from the checkpoint. funny that we were thinking of what to do, what to eat and so on, but forgetting to consider if we would even be able to enter malaysia.

after coming back from ATC in ubin, i think my body's resistance has dropped alot. could be due to the maggi mee we had to consume for every meal. i've realised, i get chills very easily. a cool breeze blowing across becomes a COLD breeze. and when it gets a little hotter, my body becomes very hot. weird.

then yesterday, i got toothache. from the same decayed tooth. was hurting like crazy for the whole day. taking panadol didn't help. so just had to bear with the pain for the whole day. during training, i developed a fever. what luck. a fever combined with a toothache. a perfect recipe to keep you in constant discomfort and pain. i thought the pain would go away when i was sleeping. but i was very wrong. unlike previous occasions, this time it was so painful that i hardly managed to get much rest. just tossing and turning without really managing to fall asleep. thankfully, that changed after taking a panadol at 3am. then i managed to get uninterrupted rest up till around 6.30. which was the longest duration of sleep i managed to get last night. my fever was more or less still 'manageable' although there was the discomfort. the real problem was the toothache. because of the decay, it spread to the gums which became infected. and infected gums meant that, the gums became sore and numb, and my right cheek became swollen. so the right cheek looks something like that of a pufferfish while the left is as usual. =X just hoping that the swelling and pain will go away quickly. funny how a small tooth can cause the whole person to be in so much discomfort.

i have so much to say. haha

did you watch myanmar vesus singapore last night? its the first game which i felt proud of them. proud that they are finally getting their act together. and playing up to expectation. nevermind that they let in 3 goals. i think its very important that they put in effort. and that's exactly what they did. fighting for every ball. making the most of their chances. playing like a team like their lives depended on it. i am so glad that they proved me wrong. i mentioned that i thought they would get beaten and thrashed by myanmar. but instead, they dominated the match and limited myanmar to very few chances. i hope they continue to keep up their effort and do singapore proud! =)

2004-12-24T16:10:00.000+08:00

here are my shoutouts. i decided i would post them since i guess we won't be meeting up that much anymore. i typed this before the exams started. to be precis, i typed this exactly 2 months before. on october 24! such a coincidence!

2e3'02 brudders

1. daniel- guess he's my closest friend. behind all the crapping and stuff. lies this really amazing person who is really helpful and always lends a listening ear and giving advice. really really true friend. someone i can completely place my trust in. =)) had some differences last year. but it seems years ago. one damn good defender, i'll readily want him in my team for any match! forgot to mention that he's a da shuai ge and has loads of girls waiting for him. haha.. =p guess we'll be headed in different paths after this year. just wanted to thank you for all your help throughout the years and all the best in whatever you do. remember to continue to walk with the Lord yeah.

2. jason- the guy in our group whom i probably spent the most time with since we're in the same class for 4 years. my ex love-rival! lols.. i got lots of shit then didn't i? haha. great soccer player! one with the speed and ahem.. size. lols.. another person whom i trust my secrets with. interesting dude who i can constantly crap to. haha. always at the receiving end of our jokes but always takes them graciously.. anyway. another shuai ge with many gurls.. good luck at cjc then sp? its been wonderful walking with dinosaurs~!

3. terence- one of the first guys whom i got to know in zhonghua. the only councillor and prefect of the group. really close in secondary one and two? yeah. spent lots of time together (not gay ah!) remember he changed from a basketball-fanatic to a soccer-fanatic! but manchester is still better than liverpool~! haha. had quite a few disagreements over the past two years.. hope you've forgotten them! anyway. God bless and all the best--- stop and the only thing that matters is...

4. junzhang- ahh.. the sixth of the fivesomeand our lastman! haha.. good buddy whom i really only got to know better this year. helpful guy also.. willing to accompany you to do stuff and always send me to serangoon interchange to take bus home. lols.. always trying very hard to be lame. but somehow. no one seems to be laughing. lols.. try harder the next time? anyway. good luck with calcium.. renium and sodium..

5. marcus- the quietest of the group. the shuaiest too. the hottest three. the cutest four. lols.. one great soccer player and brilliant popper. haha. don't exactly know you that well. but did have quite a few good laughs with you.. like the videos we took at macdonalds' recently. all the best in everything you do and God bless you~!

the special people whom i have been best friends with.i guess we've quarrelled many times between ourselves, isn't it a miracle we can still see eye to eye? haha. thanks for all the wonderful times we've had. to all of you guys. all the best wherever you guys may be going. remember to meet up next year yeah?

n5

1. jason

2. hon chan- everything's damn interesting and funny around this guy man. one great basketball captain and soccer player.. always the funny one in class to liven things up. showed during the prelims dat he can really study as well. well.. good luck in becoming a p.e. teacher yeah.. good luck dude!

3. darren- ultimate number one slacker! haha.. always have a can't be bothered attitude! yeah! another ladies man with tons of exs? haha.. hope you finally decide to study and do well for the exams!

4. shawn- the smallest and cutest guy in sec 4 and my squadmate! probably the guaiest in n5. haha.. all the best and get into your dream jc yeah!

4e4 peeps

1. jueling- also my npcc squadmate and future officer~! chiobu and butch! lols.. gurl with the most badges and first SPF recipient in zhonghua history. lifesaver too! haha.. sat beside me in class for the pass month? 2 months? had to hear quite alot of my crap? yeah. 4 years in the same class and cca! great friend and look forward to working with you in future!

2. jialing- one of the head councillors.. but very vulgar.. the best person to represent the student body! helpful and hardworking (nerdy) girl or erm.. boy! haha.. got lots of my crap when i was seating behind.. self-proclaimed shaui ge. haha.. good luck!

3. yvette- another of my npcc squadmate and future officer~! pervert!!!! looks perfectly innocent but look are deceiving! haha.. blacker than nigger gurl who loves to live in denial. haha.. jkjk.. lame gurl but interesting to be around with.. always full of shit? haha.. great friend too and can't wait for te five of us to get back into the unit!

to everyone else in the class. had a great 2 years with all of you guys! had lots fo fun during lessons! haha.. hope we keep in contact together with serenosaurus yeah? haha. all the best to everyone in their future endeavours!

2004-12-23T21:45:00.000+08:00

haven't blogged for the previous few days for a simple reason. i have nothing much going on now to really talk about.

its about to be christmas once again. another year has just passed. and the holidays as well. i haven't enjoyed myself fully. but school's starting in 1 week? man. i need a break.

i don't exactly look forward to jc starting yet. it sounds quite scary actually. i have no idea what subjects i want to take yet. but one thing i know is that if i study like the way i did in secondary school. i will get retained. sounds scary enough? =

*thanks for the presents!* =)

2004-12-20T21:08:00.000+08:00

today we had our match against a team from victoria secondary. organised by myself and someone i met during CIBTC.

firstly. victoris secondary is a beautiful school. i was just wondering how different my life would have been if i were in vs. my brother has always maintained that it was one of the most terrible mistakes that i have made not to go to vs. after looking at my primary school friends there excelling, and headed for victoris junior college. i can't help but feel he's right.

but. that's beside the point.

today was the first match that our 2e3 team played in a long time. personally. i felt it was our best performance. of course we had some help from soonlong, shawn and zhenhao and david. but it was a very organised and tidy display by us. we thrashed them 6-0 in the first half. before the match went a little crazy in the second.

i am feeling the effects of playing in the sun. having headaches and all. sleeping didn't help. which brings me to the fact that i think i've been growing weaker. especially after becoming an NCO. not having much punishment. and i believe my fitness level has dropped since. which i guess was also why i did struggle during the CI course. we've just started out. but somehow. i do feel quite a lot of pressure now. and some fear as well. listening to CIs telling us that CI life is not so easy and smooth sailing and blah blah blah.

anyway. i shall post my batch cheer, which i thought sounded very nice.

drag your boots
it ain't cool!

drag your timing
it ain't stylish!

drag your barang barang
it ain't good!

so..
don't do it lah!

lousy uniform
kena torture!

no discipline
you're out of here!

no PICARD
you're nothing!

so..

make sure you march really smart
hand in hand and heart to heart
CI course benefit us
D'04 forever last!

ok. i guess it sounds a little corny to those reading it. but its a cool cheer. really.

2004-12-19T20:24:00.000+08:00

today was simply so special. much more than my graduation. i am so thankful i decided not to give up this chance to be confirmed.

19th december 2004

hopefully a day i will look back on, with much pride and happiness. if there was a decision i had to make that was the most important. it was the decision to take Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour. i hope others who haven't taken the step will do likewise. because it will be one decision i know you will NEVER regret.

just to share something spoken by my pastor today. Jesus Christ was born to die. born to die for you and i. isn't that simply amazing. that is true love. that he gave up his place in heaven. to come down, take the form of a man, get abused, rejected and finally killed. so that you and i might be saved.

born to die. Thank You Lord.

this special occassion was made more special by those who attended it. my darling ting xuan was there. it was the first time we met up after one month. my eldest uncle and his son. my qunty and both of ther children. and my grandmother. really appreciated the fact that they were there. thank you all!

went with my darling to watch national treasure. which was a very very good show.

2004-12-17T11:22:00.000+08:00

what a day of mixed emotions. frankly speaking, i have no idea if i am happy or sad.

some very disappointing news we found out just yesterday. but as yet. i can't say anything here. i think many others feel worse than me. seeing their efforts go down the drain.

on the other hand. i managed to get into my first choice for the JC admission for first 3 months. got into nanyang science! whee! guess quite alot of people i know are going to nanyang too, so see all of you guys there next year!

i dropped my SIM card while transferring my battery. and when jay and jueling found it for me this morning. it was all dented and couldn't work. sigh. i realise how dependant i am on my handphone. now that its gone. its so weird. hope i can get a replacement card quickly!

2004-12-16T12:54:00.000+08:00

got a packed next 3 to 4 days coming up. important days too!

getting the posting results for first 3 months. i think its absolutely essential that i get into nanyang for the first 3 months if i want to have any hope of staying on. because i have no idea how my results will be like. so getting that extra 2 bonus points would be great.

saturday is our graduation from the 67th CIBTC. after 3 weeks, the day i have been waiting for has finally come. i think we've got quite a packed schedule because the classification shoot has been rescheduled for this day. i don't know if we'll get our area posting on that day. i am just crossing my fingers and hoping really hard that i get posted back. hopefully the adventure training HO will help me fulfill my request! got all my boots polished. peak cap bent (don't tell the CIIs!) and uniform pressed and ready. can't wait to pass out! =)

sunday will be my baptism, or rather, reconfirmation. because i have gone through infant baptism, i only need to be reconfirmed rather than baptised all over again. it will also mark an outward proclamation that i am a christian. hopefully. it will be a turning point in life. especially my spiritual life which has really gone down the drain after the o's ended.

have 2 unit meetings today. got to leave quite soon. up till now i haven't exactly set a goal for myself. and chart out a path i would like to take. but i do know one thing. that i want to pass out as a good CI. a CI who has made a difference to the unit. or to those under them. personally, i have 2 role models whom i hope to emulate. so when my time as a CI has finally come to an end. hopefully, i'll look back on a successful journey. one which not only has been successful, but a learning and growing one! (talk about looking too far ahead, i haven't even started out! haha)

going for my class chalet later tonight. so i guess i won't have time to update. maybe tomorrow? remember to enjoy the remainder of the holidays cause school's starting soon!

2004-12-15T20:51:00.000+08:00

i have so much to say today. i'll be doing a long post. so if you don't intend to get bored-ed out, don't read on!

singapore match just ended and they have qualified for the semis. they won 3-0 and dominated the whole match. however, personally, i think they played really badly against a team which was hopeless. cambodia was there for the taking. but somehow, the 3 goals were just fluke ones. mostly due to goalkeeping errors. if against such a team and singapore can't score a decent goal, i am very doubtful about how they are going to perform in the semi finals. getting there is one thing. getting through it successfully is another. because the teams are not cambodia. not laos. one mistake will lead to a goal. that being said, of course i still do hope that they prove me wrong and advance to the final. then hopefully, there is some bright hope for singapore football's future. =)

went to nanyang to play soccer today. haven't been able to play in a long time. i thought i had lost touch. but, it turned out really well. i think i gave one of my best performances! was delighted about that. trying to organise a match against a team from victoria sec. if we do play. then hopefully i can repeat my performance today! the feeling is just so nice when there is freedom once agin for me to do the things i want. my holidays have just started!

this morning on my way to nanyang. an accident just happened at serangoon mrt. between a motorcyclist and a bus. and the motorcyclist was like still in his bike and the whole bike was just laying there. not a single movement. don't know if he was dead. or uncouncious. i thought i would relate this incident back to how precious i think life is. everyone of us just go into anyday and everyday expecting to come out of it, safely. but just one moment, a split second. and a life can just be lost. that's how fragile life is. and the sbs transit personnel were taking their time, walking to the accident scene. and a person is lying there, dying can! even if they can't do anything to improve his condition. i felt the least they could do was to be on the scene as quickly as they could. not walk there. RUN.

went to my church's vacation bible school to help out. have been actively invovled every year. some memorable moments included winning the skit competition with the 'black horse' group when i was in sec1. the becoming the youngest committee member last year. this year i took a break. because of the o's and the course. working with children has become very weird after being used to the npcc system. when someone does something wrong. you scold. or punish. you don't go up to the person and try to encourage him to obey you. or persuade him to follow your instruction. nothing of that sort. so today was funny. seeing those naughty children run around screaming. stepping on pews. disobeying your every instruction. and then having to go up to them and say in the nicest possible tone to obey. maybe now i better understand how my parents feel about me. =x

2 more days and you're back!